Hello Holidays!!!

I love how before the month of Christmas  there is thanksgiving and Halloween.  I don't know about others but I see those as purely time lines for us to realize that Christmas is coming!  I can't wait for it too! I mean every year is a little bit more impressive then the next. This year (disclaimer, don't do the awh sad voice after you read the next sentence, I am not heartbroken) This will be my first Christmas with out my grandmother, despite my heartfelt sorrow that she is gone, I know she is looking down upon on us.  The fact that she is gone I find myself having more desire to do things that are out of the ordinary for my "normal"  Christmas.  The past memories are amazing and will never be forgotten but the new ones will  help! 
Well the day after thanksgiving you will find our house almost exploding with Christmas cheer. This is one of our trees, this one is the living  room with our over done but just to the right level  before it becomes obnoxious.  The ability to have christmas around ALL month is amazing!  I can't wait to decorate my own house... I have learned from watching, I will probably go with a theme of colors rather than an explosion, but only time will tell what I end up doing!

Our family is filled with traditions that make any heart happy. You will find us writing letters to Santa, which at the ripe age of 23 I will still do... our town has a great little program that children that write letters will get a hand written letter back from Santa!  We have letters from every Christmas!!! We also take our Santa pictures the day after thanksgiving.  We will do that every year then when we have kids we will do it with our families and siblings! On Christmas eve we have my whole family and friends for dinner.  Us kids at night sprinkle oats with sparkles and a saying...  don't laugh it is true, we are a sucker for traditions! Then we all wait until morning and "santa"  comes!  
Well now that I have covered the traditions, I want to spice this year up a bit!  I have always  wished we were the type of family that did fancy Christmas parties with a lot of people, but  we aren't doesn't mean I wont be one day. I also want to adventure to some of the lights displays like Zoo lights, or Leavenworth!  I really want to go down to Seattle and see the lights!  I plan on making Christmas a bit more fun and develop some of my own traditions outside  of my family!  


What does your family do for traditions? What are traditions you wish to make?!

Inspired....

I have been Inspired by this idea, I plan on making my list and doing this, keep following to see what I come up with!!!!!! I need a partner since I found this after the fact of it being done... Who is with me?!

When love might not be enough

Whether it is be your choice or fates choice, you can't help who you fall in love with... but families seem to think there is a divine decision that they get to play a part of. It is the most self esteem squishing moment when you find out that your loved ones family might not be fond of you, or think you are the right match. Because in your eyes and your loved ones eyes you both are perfect for each other which very well could be the case but marrying the love of your life means marrying their family.... I was out last night talking to some drunk girl at the bar and she was talking about a very similar situation that I am in. Her husbands parents were not fond of her despite how good of a girl she is, she just didn't fit the family mold. As a female this is SO disheartening because we as women want everyone to like us, especially our husbands mother!!! Her advice to me was stop caring, if your husband has chosen you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you, don't worry about the parents-in-law, in the long run they are going to see how happy you make their son, and if they can't love you for that... they aren't worth trying to make love you. The more women I talk to about parents-in-law not like the newest addition or the speaking of bring these people into family the more common I find it.. I am so glad that I am not anomaly in this situation... I am merely an addition to the tons and tons of women who have to deal with it... All I can do is promise to not give a reason for them to not like me, but I will not change who I am to make them like me...
On top of knowing that his family may not be my biggest cheerleaders in wanting to marry their son, I find out that my father is basically feeling the same way his father feels... There is no winning in love I guess.... it all comes down to hoping and praying that love will be enough to get through the tough times because we both know that love has gotten us this far... who says it won't keep on going for the next 50-100 years..... Love conquers all, I believe in love therefore I believe in its power to overcome even the most difficult of obstacles.....

Never again in this lifetime .....

11/11/11 is now.... 12/12/12 next year...but what happens after 12/12/12? Did you know that after December twelfth two-thousand and twelve for next 989 years we will never have a "lucky" day like that again? There is so much hype and superstitions that has been places on these triple number days, weddings, lotto's have been bought, casino’s get high visits, many movie releases take advantage of this, many wishes have been said and lots of hope has been put on these days. It is definitely something to think of knowing that your kids, grand kids, great grandkids, great- great-grandkids, great- great-grandkids….. great- great- great- great- great- great- great- great-grandkids will not experience the hype on these magical days . I mean for some this may not seem like anything but, it gets the brain working, what else will they not know that we hold dear to us? What is going to lost generation to generation? What can we do to preserve it?

Realization, inspiration, desire, and set back

Sorry for the writers block, life has been interesting without being writers worthy... But I am sure I can find something! I have moved my life to try and become more "organic" based, don't go thinking it will be come this snooty way of eating...but instead learning and practicing these habits now will only help me in my future living. I want to live more natural, I started with my skin care seeing that I am going into skin care here in the next month and I want to learn how to best give people a natural way to up keep their skin. My goal is to open my own spa and invent a line based off this idea of natural products and natural services....
Welp, writers block is back...
type ya later :)

Numb....

Numb to the pain, Numb to the emotion, Numb to thought. My life is a country song, My grandma passed away, put my oldest dog down and my sweetheart has moved to another country to go to school. It is amazing what a heart can endure before it just shuts off, I feel as if my heart and emotions have just stopped. I remember the huge emotion that I had/have in regards to my grandmother. I guess everything after losing her seems "easy". I haven't really posted or spoke or even went into to much emotion about her, at least outside of my head.
My grandmother was seriously the most amazing women ever, she was not only a grandmother to me, but to everyone who she met. She kept me up to date on the latest gossip and tabloids. She was the best listener, she was always someone I could go to. It was like a little sanctuary within a crazy day. She was supportive, loving and funny. There are many things in my life that I wouldn't have been able to do with out her. My most amazing life experience I owe to her, my sorority. I wouldn't have been able to do such a great thing with out her. I looked to her for strength in dealing with hard thing. With all the things my grandmother had been through in her life, she was just the most gracious blessing in the world. I consider myself so lucky to have had her in my life. My grandmother use to tell me a story about her true love, and how she let him get away. That story inspires me to learn from her lesson. I will fight for the people I love and not let challenges stop me but let me learn and grow. Funny thing about this story, when my cousins were back in her town where this man was, some how he got the number and called and told my cousins that he loved Rita, always has, even 50 years later. I never wanted to be like that. Thank you grandma for helping me not pass up on the love of my life because it is harder.

I always told myself I couldn't see myself with a person that didn't understand either the great relationship a person can have with a grandparent, or even they had not met my grandma. My significant other was able to meet her while she was still well and was with me during some of the hardest hours in her passing. I can not even find words to begin to describe how grateful I felt to have him there and available to be my shoulder to cry on, my ear to listen to me. I have a special amazing bond with my grandmother and for a moment he was able to see it, he held her hand and kissed her forehead. What man can do that?! My amazing man can, I wish I could write more about how amazing he was and has been during this, but there are no words to even begin to start to say how appreciative I am.

You were on my mind all day today, not like that's anything new. I speak your name daily, and my heart continues to ache for you. grandma know, I'll never be done loving you. You may be in a better place now, but in my heart You'll always remain. I miss you more then anyone could understand.

On to Mollie, my puppy of 10 years.... best friend a girl could ask for, she was well behaved, and always greeted you with a smile. she could turn any bad day to a great one just my putting her cold nose in your hand. I loved you, but how to explain a care for a pet is so hard.

and the man of my dreams going away (for a time period) that is a developing story...stay tuned :) All I know....He is the forever for sure!

Love, most used word in the world, but the most unknown true definition.

Love.....
You love your dog, you love your family, and you love your friends. But why?! What makes you decide that what you feel for someone is love? When you think of things, you love everything at very different levels, your family, religion, partner, friends...the list goes on and on. Let’s talk about a less expected but most talked about love; the love for a significant other. There are movies, novels, fairy tales, countless dreams, many tears and tons of "girl’s nights" spent on "love". But what is love? Is it the way you're looked at? The way they make you feel? Is it the amount of things that they buy you? What about the things you do together? It is whatever you think it is, but once you realize it, you will never forget it. The only problem with all of this is what says this is "the" love that you are to be with forever???? Let me break some things down for you in regards to experience:

You have your I love to spend every moment with them kind of love, this is usually your first love (now you need to have all of these components before you go riding off into the future with your new love, each scenario is just a stepping stone to show you the "real deal") I say this because it might be the first person that gives you the Whoooo special attention.

You have your yummy; I love to kiss this person love. This is the one that you just love to spend your time lip locking.

You have your I love your brain person because the things you say makes me think, and challenges my own intellectually side.

You have your I love the way you make me feel type of person. This is the person that makes you feel like the world is your oyster and that you can do anything that you put your mind to. This is also the kind of love that they look at you and you melt.

You have the I love you because your friends are awesome kind of person. This person might be a little dull, but there friends are amazing. This isn't a bad person to wrap you into because they can be the stay at home and go out kind of person. Which is a choice that you want.

When you find the person who is all of that and then some...you have found your forever love....consider yourself lucky...I know I do

List of Pet Peeves

I consider myself a pretty easy going person, I was once told though that I get mad at everything, this completely surprised me because I have always seen myself as a light tempered person that it takes a lot to make upset. So I decided to figure out what really makes me upset, or emotional because for some reason people can't tell the difference.
1). I don't like being told what to do, or what not to be do. I am ok with advice, guidance but saying things with the expectation that I will do them doesn't fly with me.

2). When dating "hanging out with the friends" means you are hanging out with boys, when girls come that is annoying because that makes me wonder why I am not there. That just makes me more upset, and hurt that I was not thought to be included. Now typically a person wouldn't worry about this, unless you are me which means you will ALWAYS be invited to everything because I want you there.

3)Not texting/calling when you say you are going to. or not texting back...period....that ohhhh is so bad...texting is non invasive you can do it anytime of the day.

4) Being late, I hate being late places, the only time late is acceptable is when it is my fault because that means i did it, and can not blame anyone but myself.

5) not paying attention when on the phone, or video chat, because its one thing if you don't pay attention in person, I can see your distraction. When on the phone or video chat I can't see, so repeating myself just becomes annoying and irritating.

6) I get angry with stupid, lazy people.

7) I have a hard time with people who would rather "throw" things away than actually work for it.

8) Not understanding the actually significance of making time for people, I mean I get its easier to be with the one your with, but what about the ones who want to be with you?

9) People that don't know what they want in life

10) People who say one thing, act another. I mean you either think & act the way you say or don't say it. Like saying "your beautiful and that you would want to spend the rest of your life with me" then the next moment saying something completely different. It makes a person over think the truth of your thoughts.


Welp, whoooo that is all for now.... I still don't think I get angry easy because all of these things would make anyone upset....right?!

Relationship.....Such a swear word to some!

So a couple months ago I was "seeing" this guy, I mean I use "seeing" very loosely...I mean honestly, we saw each other pretty much everyday(yes some were class days) we went out, we had our amazing moments of interactions, we text-ed all day. One(maybe MANY) would describe that as a relationship. Everyone expect him(and until recently myself) I guess, A couple months later I use a "term of endearment", and his response is you don't have to use that, because it signifies there could be a relationship. Well WHAT THE FRENCH did we have before you left? I am sorry if I assumed that we were something more than friends of a relationship, if not there. I mean I am not the kinda girl that needs a guy to swoon over her, pay for everything . make the compliments that makes a girls go weak.(although all of those things are nice)
That doesn't define a relationship for me. What defines a relationship is having someone who cares about you to the fullest degree. I mean someone you know you can call or text because something crazy/funny/sad/depressing/embarrassing etc has happened. You can't say that about everyone, but honestly I felt that this person was someone I had no fear to call at anytime, I enjoyed his company, I liked everything he stood for, our conversations were great. So please explain to me how that is NOT a relationship? You can say you are not a relationship guy, but habbibi, that is a relationship, and you did it very well.
I am sorry if I went out and found someone who is willing to be in a real titled relationship, but it isn't the same nor will it be the same. Maybe one day you will realize what you missed out on because you were to busy being a "non-relationship" guy, when you would have made a great one because from what i saw you were, I just wish you could have seen what I see....I still miss it everyday, you were a once in a lifetime.
There is no use crying over spilt milk, you are doing you, and I am doing me, I just wish that could be together.....

You do you, I'll do me...

I came across this article this morning, I find it both realeving and depressing all at the same time, the realeving part is well I am glad I am not the only one who thinks about the fact I want a relationship, not a need for one. But the depressing part is the outcome of it, and the lack of trying to keep things going. People just have loyalties to themselves, but yet expect to be in a healthy relationship.

'Stayover relationships' redefine young adult commitment
New study looks at college couples who spend 3-7 nights a week together — but keep separate homes

TODAY.com contributor
updated 7/29/2011 10:58:10 AM ET 2011-07-29T14:58:10
Share Print Font: +-If you’re concerned about wasting money because you and your mate spend almost every night together but maintain your own separate homes, don’t sweat it. You’re simply engaging in America’s “stayover relationship” trend.

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..University of Missouri researcher Tyler Jamison says she noticed that most of her college friends were “shacking up,” but had not formally moved in together. Instead, they spent three or more nights together a week and still kept their own places. She conducted a research study among college students and found that committed couples in their 20s are redefining dating and breaking social norms with this new relationship model.

Her study of committed couples who engage in the stayover lifestyle is published in the current issue of the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.

“This seems to be a pretty stable and convenient middle ground between casual dating and more formal commitments like living together and getting married,” says Jamison, a University of Missouri doctoral candidate and researcher in the department of human development and family studies in Columbia, Mo.

“It’s a comfortable thing people are doing when they are not totally sure they want to end up in a permanent situation with a person or don’t want to end up living together and having to find another place to live if they are break or decide who gets the dog."

Jamison believes stayover relationships represent a general trend that young people want to delay permanent relationships because they want to finish their education and pursue other goals. She’s expanding her research to examine unmarried parents, and suspects that people of all ages enjoy stayover relationships.

“Stayover is something they can do that doesn’t have a lot of consequences, but it has a lot of benefits,” she says.

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.Until a year ago, Michael Bless Jr., of Auburn Hills, Mich., enjoyed the benefits of a four-year stayover relationship. He liked the option of staying over or staying at home.

“Sometimes, you want your own space, and the next room may not be far enough,” says the 30-year-old engineering student at Oakland Community College. “I can love you and be with you almost every night, but there are times when I want to be alone.”

The couple parted ways when his former girlfriend graduated from the University of Detroit and took an accounting job in Miami. Wanting to fulfill his own goals, Bless says, “When she left, my commitment left.”

That's not surprising, says Aaron Turpeau, a licensed professional counselor and relationship expert in Atlanta. America’s obsession with independence is driving these stayover relationships, he explains.

“We don’t want anyone hindering us from doing our thing,” he says. “You hear people say it all the time: ‘You do you, and I’ll do me.’ Unfortunately, this obsession with independence leads to unhealthy human relationships.”

The consequence is people continue living on the fence, never committing one way or the other, says Turpeau, author of "The Harmonious Way: A Success Guide Guide to Selecting a Compatible Mate."

“We don’t value what we don’t need, and we don’t love what we don’t value,” he says. “I can say I want a relationship, but I don’t need a relationship. I want a man, but I don’t need a man. So we play house; we play marriage and as soon as we get tired, we go back to our own places.”

Nevertheless, Jamison is not convinced of any long-term consequences of stayover relationships.

“Without data, it’s hard to make a statement about it,” she says. “I doubt it has major implications for later commitments or marriages.”

© 2011 MSNBC Interactive.

"Nothing" is no longer a reason to not have something great :)

You got the first date under your belt what about the other ones?
Up for a Movie?

Choose a movie theater and just show up!
See the next movie showing, regardless of what it is. If it turns out to be a masterpiece, great. If not, scientists have proven that people develop feelings for each other more quickly when they have a mutual dislike in common. It's a total win-win.

Head to an Arcade
Do you have some serious skills when it comes to Miss Pac-Man? Tap into your 11-year-old self and impress your man with some old-school arcade moves.

Pick Apples
Spend some quality time in the orchard with your new man. Plus, this gives you the perfect excuse to wear that cute little plaid shirt tied high on the waist.

Take a Train
See how well the two of you do with public transportation. Choose a beach or a historical site just outside your city — nothing more than an hour away — and get to know each other on the ride.

Bumper Cars
See this childish endeavor as a slightly more sophisticated version of punching the guy you like on the arm on the playground.

Go Retro
Whether you're a history buff or a jaded, ironic hipster, nothing beats watching middle-aged accountants hoist muskets and don armor in order to re-create a great historical battle. Not only are reenactments entertaining, they're also educational.

Film Festival for Two
Each pick one of your more obscure favorite films, load up on snacks, choose the most comfortable couch, and hit the lights.

Cowboy and Cowgirl
A trip to the rodeo is a surefire ticket for a down and dirty good time. For all you city dwellers who can't find one, stop by a bar with a mechanical bull and watch all the drunk patrons as they struggle to stay on.

Rock Out
Go to see a local band neither of you know. This is great way to find out about his musical tastes. Plus, it's common knowledge that including anything rock 'n' roll on your date makes you look cooler — even if the band sucks.

Watch a Game
Get an adrenaline boost by attending a rowdy sports game or sporting event. Rooting for different teams? A little innocent rivalry is a good way to get your blood pumping.

Trivia Night
Amaze your date with your stockpile of random and probably useless facts at a local trivia night at a bar. Plus, if your team wins, drinks are usually on the house.

Visit a Library
Show each other your favorite books from childhood. Read some of your all-time favorite passages or check out the Kama Sutra. Regardless, whispering can be extremely sexy.

Visit a Garden
Head to your local botanical garden. Make out under a giant palm leaf or share childhood stories behind a knotty pine.

Tiny Dancers
A little skin can be a good thing. Find a local burlesque group and catch a show. Keep in mind that this is one of the racier second-date options and not for those who blush easily.

Visit a Museum
They range from naughty (NYC's Museum of Sex) to nice (the Morgan Doll Museum in Oklahoma). Pick one that suits the mood you want to set.

Play Cards
Grab a deck of cards, find a secluded park bench or just sit at the kitchen table and deal. Spit, Go Fish, gin rummy, poker, strip poker — the game and terms are up to you.

Go to the Driving Range
Rent a couple of clubs and have him show you the correct way to align your hips for a perfect swing.

Visit a Farmer's Market
Go green together by visiting a local farmers' market. Pick up some quality organic ingredients and head back to your place for a tasty meal.

Go to a Gallery Opening
These are great events for dates because there's no entry free and you can usually score a glass of wine.

Have a Cookout
The fire escape picnic is a timelessly romantic urban tradition. Fire up the hibachi and grill up a feast while life continues stories below you.

Get Spooky
Check out a local ghost tour — it's a great excuse to grab on to him and hold tight. Ghost tours have grown in popularity over the last decade — most towns offer one. Get in the mood by watching a scary movie beforehand.

Couple walking in a marina\\"51 Second-Date Ideas"\\Photo: Henrik Trygg\Johner Images, courtesy of Marie Claire

Go Boating
Rent a paddleboat in the park, set sail off your closest coast, or push off in a dinghy in a nearby lake. Find your sea legs and steal his heart with some quality time on the water.

Make Ice Cream
Whether it's with an electric machine or a hand cranker, making ice cream will take you back to a more innocent time — and the results taste awesome

Go Fishing
This is one activity that will give you plenty of time to talk and get to know each other. You might even catch something.

Go to the Zoo
Baby koalas, cute animals of every shape and size and a hot guy — how can you go wrong

Go Horseback Riding
Take a lesson together or — if you've got experience — ride out unchaperoned. Bonus romance points if you can do it on a beach … ride horses, that is.

Try a New Food Together
Enjoy a Korean BBQ! These ethnic spots are steeped in custom — traditional Korean BBQs require you to remove your shoes at the door, sit at a floor-level "table," and grill your own entrées. A little exoticism is good for a new romance.


Visit a Maze
Forget the lawn creatures in The Shining. Navigating a corn maze together can create a sense of excitement. Plus, there's no harm in getting lost — it can actually add a thrilling spike of adrenaline.

Head to a Beer Garden
The beer garden is a staple of German culture. Stretch your cultural muscles and test your tolerance with this age-old Teutonic festivity.

Go to a Music Festival
Channel the Summer of Love by taking him to an outdoor music festival.

Watch an Outdoor Movie
The summer is prime time for outdoor movies — so grab a blanket and a cooler and find one near you. They're just as entertaining as going to a theater, but with more opportunity to make out. (Better yet, if there's still a drive-in in your vicinity, hit it up before it closes down.)

Get Your Palms Read
Whether you believe in the occult or not, it's fun and is sure to provoke a conversation. Just don't ask any questions about your love line.

Picnic in a Park
Grab a blanket, make some sandwiches, and hit the green. After you're done eating, lie back in the sun, people-watch, or play Twenty Questions to dig up some dirt about what makes him tick. (Just don't ask anything too personal.)

Play Sports
Go head to head in a heated Frisbee match and join forces for some Sunday softball. Teamwork and working up a mild sweat — avoid anything that will get you drenched — are guaranteed to pull you closer

Make S'mores
A common theme about good dates is that if it was fun to do in elementary school, it's probably doubly fun now. So, rip open a bag of marshmallows and make some s'mores.

Play Pool
Grab some cues and make a friendly wager — a couple of bucks or 15 minutes in your apartment at the end of the night.

Attend a Poetry Reading
You'll either be swept away by a tide of emotions or get an opportunity to test out the rhythm of your snarky, witty banter

Go for a Night Swim
Find an outdoor public pool that's open late. Take your date swimming at sunset. Most all the little kids will be gone, and there's something exciting about being in a pool after dark.

Work in Clay Together
Take a lesson at a pottery studio. Hey, it worked for Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore in Ghost.

Rent Bikes
Whether you're in a city or the countryside, renting bikes is a great way to explore where you live. Give him an extra-nice view by wearing a cute little summer dress and staying a few paces ahead of him.

Ride a Roller Coaster
Think he's the one? Get him on a roller coaster ASAP. Studies show that participating in any kind of intense or thrilling activity produces a mutual feeling of vulnerability, boosting arousal and forming emotional bonds

Play Some Games
Yeah, he's hot, and the first-date conversation was fun, but can the guy spell? Have a Scrabble smackdown and find out before things get serious.

Visit a Fair
Let him win you a stuffed animal, eat too much cotton candy, and take a trip on both the Ferris wheel and the carousel. They are both adorably romantic.

See a Stand-Up Comedy Show
Laughing releases endorphins, which sets a great tone for the night. But be sure to sit in the back — a good comedian will pick up on even the smallest hint of awkwardness and exploit it

Walk Some Dogs
Take your date to the local animal shelter and offer to walk a pair of lovable pups. Animal shelters are always looking for volunteers, and you'll be able to gauge his patience with animals.

Get Wet
Grab your cutest bikini and forgo hair products and non-waterproof mascara and go to a water park. Just try to go during off-peak times to avoid the onslaught of rambunctious children.

Go Wine Tasting
Wine tasting is a classy way to grab a drink. You may learn a thing or two about grapes, vintages, bouquets, and after a glass or two, him.


Go date, be happy...:)

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/staticslideshowmc.aspx?cp-documentid=25134907>1=32092

Summer, Summer..how attractive

Hello MSN, Thank you for informing us of how to have the best summer ever without wasting our time... Wam bam thank you

Easier said than done, we know. But we tapped Steven Ward, the former host of VH1's Tough Love and CEO of MasterMatchmakers.com to give blunt, no-holds-barred, man-hunting advice that works. Here, seven tips from Ward for finding a summer fling. The first four will help you get in front of new guys — and the last three will ensure that you reel one in.

1. Go Outside
It sounds obvious, but that's where the men are: outdoor bars, beaches, golf courses, boardwalks, rooftops, pools, volleyball courts, whatever. So stop worrying about your hair turning frizztastic and get yourself outdoors. Guys flock outside in the summer to enjoy the sun, but also to check out women wearing skimpy clothes, admits Ward. Which brings us to our next point ...

2. Dress Summer-Sexy
"Wear as little as possible that's still socially acceptable and dignified," Ward says. Okay, that sounds a bit extreme, but basically: If you're going to flaunt it, now's the time — but don't be skanky. So if you're at the pool, you better be wearing a sexy bikini ... but not a G-string. At a BBQ? A short, flirty summer dress is great, but super-short — and — low-cut screams desperate. Men expect to see some skin during the summer, so show it off a little if you want their attention.

3. Ditch the Entourage
If you're stuck in the same social circle — which means you've probably already met many of the available male friends-of-friends — then grab a girlfriend and head to another town for some man-hunting, Ward suggests. Make sure your friend is willing to play wingwoman if need be, and try hitting up a lake or park where a lot of people will be hanging out. Another good thing about separating yourself from the pack? You're less likely to wind up dating a guy who one of your friends has already, uh, flung-around with. "That just turns into one big mess," Ward says.

4. Work the Room Brilliantly
If you've got your eye on more than one guy at a summer shindig, then try not to be touchy-feely with any one person. If you do, you may hurt your chances of hitting it off with another potential guy. Men will think you're insincere — or desperate! — if you're ferociously flirting with every guy you get in front of. "You either have to pick just one guy or you have to be very aware of your surroundings," Ward says. "You can't make it obvious to sidelined prospects that you're interested in other guys."

5. Stop Babbling
If you've just started chatting up a guy, the last thing he wants to hear about is where you bought your dress or why your best friend is mad at you. You're sipping a couple of sweating beers during summer — not braiding each other's hair at a sleepover. "Women tend to talk about things that men don't really care about," Ward says. Ouch! "Instead, talk about the new summer movies, what's on TV, the funniest thing you've done this summer, any good travel plans ... stuff like that." Oh, okay, that's easy enough. P.S. Do not dig or pry! The guy needs to feel like you're casually getting to know him, not that you're sizing him up for a relationship. (Ahem, even if you totally are.)

6. Make Him Ask You Out
When you first meet a guy you're interested in, you have to be more direct than usual. After all, the summer is only about three months long and who has time for playing the game of wait-to-see-if-someone-makes-a-move? So if you're talking to a potential catch and want to make sure he doesn't get away, Ward suggests putting yourself out there in a cheeky way. "Smile and say something like, 'This conversation is going really well. I can't wait for you to take me to dinner!' If you're lighthearted in your delivery, the guy will appreciate your honesty." If he doesn't take the bait, then be glad you didn't waste half your summer trying to hook him.


7. Show Face
Another tip to fan the spark with a brand-new guy: Socialize with him in person ... not digitally. "Don't text, don't e-mail, and don't even call that much," Ward advises. "Get in front of each other. The more face time you have with someone, the more emotional currency you both have in the budding relationship." Bonus: By weaning yourself off all the texting, tweeting, and Facebooking, you let the guy have the opportunity to actually miss you. "If you keep giving him your attention or are always available online, he's never going to crave you," says Ward. "You have to give him the chance to miss you."

Say Hello to Goodbye.....

Call me sappy, call me emotional, call me whatever the french you want to call me. But when you care about someone(no matter the degree) and they leave it is a bit sad... I think the saddest part is know that before they leave you are wondering what to say, how to react, because you are unclear of how things are suppose to be. I mean OBVIOUSLY I am talking about a person of opposite gender(I mean seriously..) And if there is no clear line in the sand and you do not want to assume things for fear of being let down, there is literally NOTHING a person can do but ride the wave of the storm you have been dealt.
I swear there are so many things a person can think whilst in this situation. I mean so you have this guy who puts out normally, ohhh a bit of effort into hanging out/seeing eachother. Than RIGHT before they are about to leave they actually start making the time for you, you wished would have occured before. These types of people are the people who could be afraid of a few things: 1) Commitment, they can put all this effort before they leave and know internally that it is temporary and hopefully you will forget it by the time they come back. 2) Losing you, Its like leaving with a good impression. These are the last few things you will be remembering whilst they are away, isn't it great that they are the few times they made the time and put the effort..cheeky right?!
Overall it kinda just sucks, to add to the suckage, not knowing when you will see them again, talk to them etc... This is fine for a person you are use to seeing or talking to once in a blue moon....but when you literally almost see the person every day and defintely talk to them EVERYDAY. It will take some getting use to the change. Not like I am a needy person and NEED this, buttttt it is a nice thing to have.
Than to top this all off you wonder where they stand in all of this, so whilst you are trying to rid yourself of a pattern that has been created for the past 5 months you have added thoughts on if they are thinking that much about(which if they are a man, its highly unlikely, because, well they are MEN, but sometimes you get the broken mold type.)
THEN to top the things off you have SO much to wonder about when there is no line in the sand. Like I knew they were leaving, and had ALL these questions but TOTALLY chickened out on asking them because I was afraid of the answers. Like I would LOVE to know where I stand, or more or less where he stands, but I don't REALLY want the answer, unless its something I want ;). I am not one to pressure things out of a person, although my last relationship we decided we(I told him we were) were "dating" because we figured, we spent all of our time talking, hanging out, and we liked each others company. I dated that guy for like 6 years. So maybe I should pressure....nawhhh..... I think a man needs to come to his own conclusions and than act on them. I don't like to press, but at the same time I don't like waiting. Even though I am CRAZY for a guy, if they don't reciprocate in some form to let me know that I am not wasting my time...I will painfully move on. I am not saying it will happen easily or right away but ultimately a person can only express interest for so long with out being verbally affirmed, because lets be honest physically cues are IMPOSSIBLE to correctly figure out. Basically on this, maybe this is why the shy guys get left behind, because they can't commit or they can't express interest.

Rules of Attraction....no not the movie...21st century spin thank you!

"Here’s the biggest problem that you will EVER have with men: Most women don’t know how to bring out the best in men, some of the things you do when you are trying to get a guy to like you actually turn him off. You lose him.and before you actually figure out what you did to turn him off, he’s actually already moved on to the next woman." relationship black book

[Editor's note: Maura Kelly writes the relationships blog A Year of Living Flirtatiously, for MarieClaire.com. This is an excerpt from that blog.]

In Emerson's rousing long essay, Self-Reliance — a call to intellectual independence and rigor — he says, "In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts: They come back to us with a certain alienated majesty."

One of the points Emerson is trying to make is this: The literature and art that we most appreciate is that which most accurately or powerfully reflects some basic human truths. It's not that the truths themselves are necessarily "deep." A genius is a genius not because his feelings or experiences are so unusual, or even so outstandingly powerful, but rather because he is able to recognize them as universal and meaningful, and to announce them, rather than pushing them aside as shameful or weird or too obvious — or allowing them to get drowned out by the flood of distractions and noise that often is life.

This is all a very long way of introducing a list of the five basic things you should know about a person before you kiss them that I recently came across in an email that was forwarded to me. It was written by life coach Laurie Gerber, and her tips are so simple and obvious and exactly right that they're borderline genius. Because our daily lives have gotten so complicated — our dating lives, in particular — I think these are exactly the kinds of tips we need to hear. Or, at least, I do.

Laurie says: "You cannot kiss anyone until you have first established they are worth your time."

How do you do that? Easy. Simply be sure that you know that:

1. They are looking for a serious relationship.
(But if you're not either ... well, then, you don't have to be worried about who you are kissing. Kiss whomever the heck you want.)

You should also feel interested in a serious relationship with the person in question. Which means you should know that:

2. You are impressed with what they are doing with their life.

3. You respect them.

4. You sense that they are comfortable with themselves.

5. You really want to kiss them.

Simple, right? But also kinda brilliant.

Now, maybe you're saying, "Eh, Maura, it's just a kiss — what's the big deal?" Well, I suppose the biggest thing is that having simple standards like these is one way to help boost your self-esteem. If you're kissing every Tom, Dick and Harry who crosses your path — and often getting rejected by them — that might not feel so good. Simply knowing that a person has to meet certain qualifications before getting to the next level with you will leave you feeling empowered. Like you have standards. Because you do!


In fact, I'd go as far as to say you should know all of these five things before you go on a second date.

...Talked into....well you...

I was reading an article today about some couple not telling anyone what the gender of their newborn was going to be, their hope is to let the child make "its" own decisions. They got this idea of reading an article in the library(I will not even go into the fact the article had to make a point that they read this article in the library...Who does that anymore?!). I mean I have always believed that we as human beings are talked into our roles. I even wrote a paper on it in college. So I am a bit mixed on what to think about this idea. I think it is not humane to do to a child for the interest of "trying it out" who knows what kind of damage could be done on this poor child. But on the other hand, how amazing would it be to watch someone morph into something that isn't pre-destined. I mean for most we are given our roles right at birth not only by gender but by birth order. So from day one you are not able to be who you want to be. But with out those pre-design restriction who would you want to become, or who would you become in general?
All in all it seems like a fascinating idea but could NEVER be done respectfully here, because it would mess a person up wayyyy to much!

"That is just the gentleman I am" Says the guy holding a rose..

I was watching the show "Happy Endings" and there was a scene where the gay guy was going on a date, and the guy supposedly was standing him up, but he really didn't he just was waiting outside. His response was "that is what kind of the gentlemen I am". Well of course it got me thinking, what is a gentlemen? What does a women define a gentleman as, I mean I don't even assume in the least bit that every women would beable to agree on one definition, doesn't mean we can't narrow something down.

Webster Dictionary says:

a : a man of noble or gentle birth b : a man belonging to the landed gentry c (1) : a man who combines gentle birth or rank with chivalrous qualities (2) : a man whose conduct conforms to a high standard of propriety or correct behavior d (1) : a man of independent means who does not engage in any occupation or profession for gain (2) : a man who does not engage in a menial occupation or in manual labor for gain
2
: valet —often used in the phrase gentleman's gentleman
3
: a man of any social class or condition —often used in a courteous reference or usually in the plural in address

www.howtoguides365.com

How to Act Like a Gentleman

True gentlemen seem to be a dying breed in this modern age. By “gentlemen,” I mean men who hold doors open, conduct themselves with dignity, and generally act like civilized individuals.

But that doesn’t have to be the case. If you want to gain the respect of others and the admiration of women, this guide on how to be a gentleman will help. Following these simple steps will boost your self-esteem and make the world around you a better place.
Pay Attention To Your Appearance

Get haircuts on a regular basis, and always dress in an understated manner. You can wear jeans and a T-shirt and still be a gentleman; just make sure that they’re not torn and wrinkled. A dress shirt can help immensely, and the dress shirt and jeans look can be quite attractive. A Josbank dress shirt, for example, screams “gentleman”! If you choose to wear a suit, make sure it fits. There are plenty of places to buy big and tall mens clothing online for affordable prices. Carry a pocket comb and keep your hair presentable at all times.
Be Polite

Hold the door open for people behind you, and always give up your seat on a crowded bus or subway to a woman or elderly person. If you see someone struggling to carry their groceries, offer to help. Simple acts of kindness are part of what defines a gentleman.

Always say “please” and “thank you.” A little common courtesy never hurt anyone.
Respect Your Woman

A gentleman will never abuse his girlfriend (physically or emotionally). He should also shower her with attention and bring her unexpected gifts from time to time. These gifts need not be expensive; a rose and a kiss will do just fine.

You should also be respectful when carrying on a conversation with your girlfriend. Try to talk about subjects which interest her, and never talk about how attractive other women are.

During moments of passion, allow the woman to set the pace. A gentleman never takes things too far or pressures his girlfriend about sex.
Don’t Backstab

A gentleman respects himself, but he also respects those around him. Don’t insult your friends when they’re not around. This is a classless act which gentlemen avoid. If you think so little of them, then why do you bother calling them your friends?

Also avoid laughing at someone to their face, especially when they find themselves in an embarrassing situation. You wouldn’t like to be treated is this manner, so take that into consideration.
Be Discreet

As the old saying goes, “A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell.” Avoid telling friends the details of your sexual encounters, as this disrespects the woman involved.

If you discover someone’s deep, dark secret, practice discretion and keep your mouth shut. This is the true test of a gentleman.
Avoid Cursing

Cursing makes you appear crude. A gentleman should avoid cursing at all times. Work to elevate your vocabulary, not lower it.
Remove Your Hat

When going indoors, always remove you hat. You should also take off your hat anytime you’re at the dinner table.
Avoid Religion And Politics

When having a conversation, avoid these two topics like the plague. Discussions involving religion and politics usually upset people, and a gentleman’s goal is never to be an unpleasant conversationalist.
Avoid Drugs And Alcohol

To be a true gentleman, you need to be in control at all times. Drugs and alcohol impair you judgment, so refrain from using them.

Welp I don't agree with avoiding alcohol, just know how to handle yourself. The whole politics and religion, talk about it but don't get overly exaggerated in the feelings. Love the swearing, at least at first....I mean than you can feel it out. LOVE the be polite section...that always makes my heart melt.
But honestly to be a gentlemen now a days you don't need to wear a fedora and talk all eloquent, you don't even have to pay for everything(although that is what seems to be some peoples definition, it does help clear a blurry line sometimes).

I think a gentlemen is someone who remembers your favorite things, or stories that you tell. Someone who knows you...knows what you drink when you go to the bar, knows that you don't like heights and warns you to not look when going up a hill. Someone who holds the door open but knows that if you get to the door first they shouldn't walk through until you do. A gentlemen picks the seats and than lets you chose what side to sit on. A gentlemen apologizes every time he has to take a phone call or text whilst you are out (just the two of you is the only time it warrants) even when they tell you not to. A gentlemen will know that you want to hear from him because when you don't you kind of worry(atleast when you are that level). There are soooo many other things I can think of but just rambling now wouldn't get me too far....your turn?!

Option verses Priority...

I feel like I have written a lot about relationships lately, maybe it is because its that time of year(wedding season) or maybe it is my desire to be in a relationship( a true one, not one of those little high school ones, hence why I haven't the let first few visitors in)or maybe I have been watching tooo much GLEE. Either way I feel like relationships are always on a persons mind( to have them or not to have them. Either way you throw it you think about it avoiding it or achieving it). Whether you are in the wading pool, swimming in the deep end, or all pruned from hanging out you are never done learning about relationships and how they affect a person(s).

Time: we only get 24 hours in a day, each and every day. We don't get time added for good behavior, nor do we get any "redo's" to make the problem right. 24 hours that is it. For most these hours are spent on yourself, for yourself. So how is a person suppose to make spending some of these hours with another person successful? I think that I am a bit overboard so I get a bit frustrated. I think of the little ways to spend time together, because for me when I want to spend time with someone its because I care about them and even being around them, so anything is sufficient. I think that thinking comes from being in relationships because that is how it works, if you are not in the relationship mind set you don't think of the "easy" time to spend together. For me I think of well I need to shop, I wonder if they need to shop. Or I need to a nap, I wonder if they do. orrr oooohhh its nice out lets both go do something. I have a free time, I wonder if it is during their lunch break...kinda stuff. But to someone who hasn't been in a relationship that matters, those thoughts don't really cross their minds. I think the hardest part is trying to show someone that you would settle for any amount of time at anytime with out coming off as needy or clingy.

I have found myself in a position like this recently and it sucks, for me I am a "relationship" girl I think of those little times that would be easy to hang out with each other and what not, but he isn't(he made it very clear when we became friends he is a FWB's or a "loose" relationships guy...my fault for getting stir crazy with "that" kind of guy). He doesn't think the same way I do about time and I am not the kinda of girl to change a guy... I like them to notice what they are missing and/or what they strive to be. ( I don't believe in changing a person, but helping them realize their potential) But I am crazy about this guy(again my fault, I knew what kinda of type he was, I think it was wishful thinking) despite the super mixed symbols, I honestly just think the impact of not being a "relationship" guy and his busy life at the moment really has limited his time, not the suspect idea of "ohhh he is trying to tell you gently" or "make yourself unattainable"(that doesn't work for me, I don't play games nor do I want to not be with him...sooo that is a lose lose) But who knows. I like to think its going in a desirable direction but I don't really care because for the most part(up until recently) I have been a relatively happy camper. I think a lot of it could be my own fault mixed with his inability to understand. I know this sounds soooo ridiculous for myself to complain about time when not in a "relationship" but dang it I like having him around, he makes me smile, he gives me that happy confidence butterflies that a person wants, and I am genuinely attracted to him...sooo why would I not want to spend time with him..It just sucks when it is not reciprocated in action or even in words of endearment.

Till next time....

Independent Woman in the dating world.....Who comes out on top?

I am screwed. That is what most independent women find themselves saying because they have found someone that questions how independent they really are. Like for me I am screwed, because I know that I am independent but I find myself putting myself out there, making myself vulnerable in my eyes. Like for me I am constantly inviting a specific person into my world, into my activities and what not...thus putting me as the needy person that I never wanted to be. I mean it may not actually put me as it but makes me feel this way because I am the one always reaching out. I know that inside of myself it is because I seriously want to spend time with him, not like I HAVE too but I sincerely WANT too. I think it is like a slap in a face because I feel as if I am putting myself out there too much. It could be the breed that I am seeking, but it does suck when things are not often reciprocated or at least not equally reciprocated. Maybe I could become that girl that plays "those" games of becoming unattainable, or showing that I am a hot commodity. But Games are not my thing. I find myself to be like an open book. I know that if I like a guy, that guy has to know by my actions are never hidden. So therefore I can't play games because they just would be stupid and fake, both of which I am not. It is to much to ask that effort and emotion be reciprocated, even if it is in your own language. For me all I am asking is be the "man" I knowww so cliche but seriously, take control of the situation! I know for me I am soo head over heels for a guy who likes to be a passenger rather than the driver in life and it doesn't bother me per say...but it is soo draining and so many opportunities get missed. Leading to things that are just completely disappointing there for draining and leaving me with the taste of a needy individual in my mouth because of the effort I put into things.
If you find yourself in this situation seriously. you have to figure out if it is worth it, and if you have find yourself in a situation where it is actually worth it, than you just have to let them know whats up. Because most the time the people who don't take the initial initiative, they aren't going to be able to read between your lines. Basically you have to just saying what you are thinking...something I wish I really honestly could do(this is one of those I can give the advice but have a hard time following it moments) Because if I had the guts I would tell the guy "I havent found something I wanted to spend all this time with, but honestly I need to know where your head is at" .....Nowwwww the reason I dont have the guts is because of the answer that follows that question. So for now I figure I am happy why mess it up. Maybe you should too ....

...where is a happy medium......

There are so many things that lead a person to wonder where is the happy medium... life, flirting, relationships, effort, work...the list goes on and on.... Lets start with relationships with flirting where is too much and or too little....

"A real man wants a real woman, not an adolescent. And a woman who flirts like a little girl comes off as desperate and needy," says Marie Forleo, author of Make Every Man Want You: How to Be So Irresistible You'll Barely Keep From Dating Yourself!." this than brings up more..the desire to define needy.... because needy is a big no no in most relationships, I mean there are some guys out there that need to be the knight and shinning armor( all women want a man that could be these man). I think needy is a hard thing to define because to each their own. I mean for me I am affectionate, and caring, and that in its self comes out as needy. I just like people knowing I am thinking of them or caring for them. I am a flirt. I know I am a HUGE flirt. I give attractive compliments, even when the person receiving them SUCKS at returning them, not that I say compliments to receive them back...but it does open that revolving door that feels soo good to have swung in your direction(side note that is the down fall of projected self esteem, people think you dont need those compliments when in reality you need them the most). I like to touch people that I am interested in, not that creepy touching but that "hey I may like you" touch, we all know it! I do pet names, I may make you think I call everyone that name like "boo" or "muffin"..I mean I do call a lot of people that but its a different tone for the right person. Where was I going with that?! humphhhhh anyyyywayssss

I had a guy tell me he likes when the woman takes control in the relationship, in general or something like that, that is all fine and dandy..... kudos to that man for being able to be let a women be the person she is but you are not doing any justice to anyone by encouraging your own insecurities or laziness. I mean sir its not about being in control all the time but knowing that you could take control of the situation if it is necessary. It is SUCH a turn off to always have to make decisions. I think it is funny because a guy who wants a girl to be in control is going to be attracted to women who like control, but those women like when a guy can be in control(goes back to the knowing if a person being able to take control if the need be) so it is a vicious cycle. I mean I get it, it can be super dragging to be the one in control, but isn't that the point of a relationship and give and take so that no one gets bogged with all the decisions all the time?! Maybe even harmony?

I mean to rock my boat you need have the ability( and express it) to be in control, to be aggressive for the things you want(let a girl know you find her attractive, or that you think she is smart...if you have a hard time just saying find ways to show it..because if a girl is like me they lose interest real fast when they think they are not be appreciated for the full picture...remedy it by showing or telling them what you think and often in as many or few words as you need), be philanthropic(stand for something bigger than yourself), be a conversationalist(the biggest turn on is the mind, I think the ability to converse is going to out weigh anything else.) Take initiative, you want it get it. Share your life, not every detail, just what matters most to you, because in the end that is what makes you into you. Be chivalrous,it has nothing to do with money...back in the days when chivalry was coined, do you think it had anything to do with how much money was in a guys pocket? Nope it was about being the "man" and doing things to make a women feel special. Do little things because women think about the little things, also if you are not trying to be that someone for a girl, think of the little things she might be picking up on. We all know those things....if you don't well you need to think real hard because they are super simple.

I have been told I am too happy..what is too happy? I am perfectly content with the amount of happy I posses? Maybe they are not happy enough? I mean I have my limits, dont laugh at funerals, dont giggle at death, nor smile at someones sad story. But what defines to happy? Yes I get through my day with a smile on my face 9 out of 10 times, but that doesnt mean I dont stress nor does that mean I am not filled with other emotions. I like to think I channel it, while most see it as hiding the other emotions. But, frankly I think all other emotions are just a waste of time. I mean I think they can be necessary, but why emphasis on them, what are you really trying to get? Attention....? Trust me...you get more bees with honey than salt. I think I talk to more people in one day when I smile than anything else. Try it and you will see...call it experiment high ;)

Thats it for now.....

Perfect question with no real answer

The following is an article I read from USA today.... I love it...it is so to the point and thought provoking for a single girl with hopes of one day being in a definable relationship that doesn't label one as a tramp.

If you read through this article it shows that dating is kind of dead, at least the generations before us way of dating. Now what is the definition of dating? I struggle with this because of how many different ideas of dating there are. There is the dating where you spend all your time together doing things like friends do but also have that physical connection(this one can be defined as FWB if you have never had the "relationship talk") Or there is the dating causally but still don't have that connection of truly caring about what is going on with each other. Or that you have this guy who takes you out and buys you things and blah blah blah...that ladies is olden days...it is time for woman to be independent...own up to the things woman have been fighting for...that is a separate day for a completely different topic.

There really is just so many definitions. I personally have thought it over and think dating(or a meaningful romantic relationship) can be defined as: Someone you genuinely care about, you care about what is going on in their lives, you see things or have things happen that you want to share with them, you are physically, emotionally, and mentally attracted to what they bring to the table. That you want to spend all your time together in the idea of you both can get things done with each other around. That sex and physical things are just an added bonus to show the connection you two share...not a necessary component. That is my basic definition of a meaningful relationship...but the most important part is talking it over...there is nothing more unfair than not know what you mean to someone. No matter how hurtful things can be it is more hurtful to be apart of a one-sided relationship. Who know's maybe they just like you enough that they would want you in their life, romantic relationship or not.

Is dating dead?
Less commitment and more ‘hookups,’ but also more virgins: The new face of sex and relationships among young adults

By Sharon Jayson
USA TODAY

It wasn’t until the second semester of her senior year at Fordham University in New York that Kathleen Adams had a college boyfriend.

“You just don’t date at colleges,” says Adams, 23, now a Fordham graduate student in urban studies.

But there’s no shortage of casual sex on campus, she says - in part because Fordham, like many colleges, has significantly more women than men. Adams says that means guys have the upper hand when it comes to intimacy.

“It’s kind of like a competition,” she says. “The guys have their choice of whoever they want. So they think, ‘Why would I date?’ ”

The relationship game among college-age adults today is a muddle of seemingly contradictory trends. Recent studies indicate that traditional dating on campuses has taken a back seat to no-strings relationships in which bonds between young men and women are increasingly brief and sexual. (A new website to arrange these encounters that began at the University of Chicago last month now is expanding to other campuses.)

But even as casual sex - often called “hookups” or “friends with benefits” - is a dominant part of campus life, a new report by the National Center for Health Statistics indicates the percentages of men and women 18-24 who say they are virgins also are increasing.

It all reflects an emerging paradigm that is altering the nature of sex and relationships among young adults: fewer men than women on campuses, a more openly sexual society that often takes cues from media, and a declining desire to make relationship commitments early in life.

Adams’ experience is the reality for many of today’s college students, says Mark Regnerus, an associate professor of sociology at the University of Texas-Austin.

His research suggests that the higher proportion of women on campuses has contributed to the ascent of the hookup culture. Overall, women made up more than 56 percent of the college population in 2009, according to the recent Census data on enrollments; more women are found on many campuses that serve both sexes.

“The women wind up competing with each other for access to the men, and often, that means relationships become sexual quicker,” says Regnerus, co-author of Premarital Sex in America: How Young Americans Meet, Mate, and Think About Marrying, released earlier this year. It is based on an analysis of four national studies representing a total of 25,000 young people ages 18-23 and more than 200 additional interviews.

“Men don’t have to work as hard as they used to, to woo a woman,” he says. “I’ve talked to various interviewees who had never been on a date, which doesn’t really make sense, given they’re pretty attractive. It’s just that less seems to be required to be in the company of a woman.”

Justin Garcia, a State University of New York doctoral fellow at Binghamton University who conducts research on hookups, says this general lack of dating means many young adults don’t even know how to get a relationship started.

“For the majority of students, they’re not going to dinner and a movie unless they’ve hooked up with someone. Some physical interaction comes before the dating,” he says. Often, “dates happen after a relationship, rather than before.”

Avoiding commitment

Many young people are eschewing relationships as too much hassle, especially when they plan to study abroad, leave town for internships or go to graduate school, says sociologist Teresa Downing-Matibag of Iowa State University.

“They want to have their freedom and are not always interested in these committed relationships. At the same time, they’ll tell you they will not be in a relationship without sex being an important part of it,” she says. The down economy has forced many students to work because their parents aren’t as capable of funding their education; that means they’re juggling school and work and are less likely to have time to devote to a relationship, she adds.

“With the people that I know, there is a fair share of hooking up just to have sex, and the intention is to only do it once and possibly never see that person again,” says Rachel Curtis, 22, an Iowa State grad student. “I know a few girls who would like to hook up every weekend, but sometimes the opportunity doesn’t present itself. They call that an ‘unlucky night.’ ”

The cryptic nature of what a hookup involves appeals to many young people: They deliberately want to be vague so they can exaggerate or hide their actions from their friends, analysts say.

“‘Hookup’ leaves it to the imagination. The ambiguity is intentional,” says Michael Bruce of San Francisco, co-editor of College Sex: Philosophy for Everyone: Philosophers With Benefits.

“Hooking up is very vague. It can be anything from kissing on the dance floor to you go back and have sex in the room and sleep over,” says Leah Reis-Dennis, 19, a Harvard University sophomore from Eugene, Ore.

“It’s called hanging out, but it’s really hooking up,” adds Kirsten Ellermann, 20, a junior at Iowa State University who has been in a relationship for more than a year. “You know what it means when a guy says he wants to come over and hang out. He’s not taking you to dinner.”

“In a big way, hookups have kind of taken the place of - not exactly eclipsed - relationships, but hooking up is kind of an easier way for college students to act on their sexual desire without making a big commitment,” says Reis-Dennis, a history and literature major.

Even so, “it’s not like everyone is having casual sex all the time,” says sociologist Paula England of Stanford University, whose ongoing research since 2005 has surveyed more than 17,000 students from 20 colleges and universities. “Some people are hooking up a bunch of times with the same person but are not calling it a relationship. Others are never doing anything you would call a hookup.”

Her latest data find that by senior year, 72 percent of both sexes reported having at least one hookup, with the average of 9.7 for men and 7.1 for women. Just under one-quarter (24 percent) of seniors say they are virgins, she says.

The percentage of those who claim virginity appears to be increasing, according to a National Center for Health Statistics study released this month of 2006-08 data. Among 18- and 19-year-olds, about one-quarter of men and women said they hadn’t had sexual contact with another person, up from 17 percent of women and 22 percent of men in 2002. Among those ages 20-24, 12 percent of women and 13 percent of men said they were virgins, up from 8 percent for both sexes in 2002.

“Friends my age have not said they have chosen to be virgins,” says Ashley Thompson, 23, who will receive her master’s degree in public health from Ohio State University-Columbus in June.

Thompson, of Perrysburg, Ohio, is engaged, but “a lot of my peers, as women, have got a lot of other things going on. I think the fact that young women are able to focus on other life goals such as school or career could change the way they form relationships, which inherently would impact their sexual activity.”

Some studies find virgins in even higher numbers. Responses collected from 1,500 Duke University freshmen and seniors at the Durham, N.C., campus in 2007 found that about 53 percent of women and 40 percent of the men said they were virgins, says Wendy Brynildsen, a Duke doctoral student who will share that data in a paper at the annual meeting of the American Sociological Association in August.

“Many people think I’m crazy” for not having sex, says Jon Haron, 21, of Highlands Ranch, Colo., a part-time college student studying aviation technology and air-traffic control. He also works part-time as a flight instructor.

“My core group of guy friends - my close friends - we’ve all made the decision to not have (sexual intercourse) until we’re married,” Haron says. But several friends, he adds, think it’s OK to engage in other sexual activity.

Although the government data offer no explanations for the growing percentage of virgins, there has been plenty of speculation, ranging from more open discussion about the health risks associated with casual sex to the busy lives of young people. Some cite the rise of the abstinence movement, while others point to easy access to Internet porn and an overtly sexualized culture that has made young people somewhat blasé about sex.

Choosing abstinence

“We’re seeing that the choice to remain abstinent is increasingly resonant,” says Valerie Huber, executive director of the non-profit National Abstinence Education Association, which will launch a campaign next year to “rebrand the cultural message” and tell young people that “sexual activity as a rite of passage” is no longer an expectation for teens and young adults.

While sexual experimentation is a part of life for many young people, Reis-Dennis, a history and literature major, says there also are many who don’t want to have a “throwaway sexual experience.”

“Personally, a lot of my friends at school have had sex,” she says. “As many, if not more, haven’t.”

Haron says his circle of friends, which includes about 15 guys, some with girlfriends, all have looked at porn and are trying to stay away from it. “Porn is easy,” he says. “I think that’s why a lot of guys are drawn to that. It’s so easy to get and they’re not going to be rejected, so why try with a girl?”

Researchers are well aware how the Internet has made porn and sex websites so accessible and appealing; Downing-Matibag says her students have shown her websites for virtual sex.

“They can go to those websites and have sexual relationships watching a webcam. They can still be a virgin and have 100 different partners online through chat rooms or webcams,” she says. “Young people have avatars (on-screen characters representing themselves online) and enter these virtual worlds that involve sexual encounters.”

But some of those who work to educate young people about sex say the new data about more virgins could signal change.

“The hookup culture seems to be predominating, but there might be the beginning of a pushback and relationships playing a much stronger role,” says James Wagoner, president of Advocates for Youth, a Washington-based non-profit.

Still, most young people are having some kind of sexual contact. “Humans are biological beings,” Garcia says. “We have a sex drive. To not recognize that in talking to young adults is foolish.”

The DL on cuddling.....

WARNING:
When you cuddle someone be sure to do it with your heart/feelings because doing so it may raise the intimacy between the persons.

On the very long list of things men don’t understand about women is the fact that women always want to cuddle. In fact, AM received this message from a befuddled reader who wanted to know exactly what it is about cuddling that women find so important:

"What is it with this cuddling business? All my girlfriend wants to do is cuddle. I don't understand the whole concept about cuddling. I think an article that explains why women think that cuddling is so important would be great."

This seems to be a common attitude among men who can’t wrap their brains around what their women see as the necessity of cuddling.
Why women cuddle
The act of cuddling releases a hormone called oxytocin, sometimes called the "cuddling hormone.” Oxytocin is responsible for provoking what scientists refer to as “pair bonding,” which means it makes the cuddling couple feel closer and more intimate. This helps to create a bond between a man and a woman. In evolutionary terms, a woman wants to create this pair bond in order to get the man to commit to her and their offspring. Even if your woman isn’t trying to marry you and start bearing your babies, she is likely still drawn to create an emotional bond with you and this kind of physical intimacy is a good way to do it.

Cuddling also feels pretty damn good when it’s done right, so another reason women insist on it is that the sensations triggered by a cuddle session can be very pleasurable.
Why men don’t cuddle
It can be exceptionally frustrating that your first instinct post-orgasm is to go right to sleep, while she prefers to get in a good cuddle session first. The reason for this is all about the hormones your brain releases after sex. As a man has an orgasm, a variety of brain chemicals are released including the hormone prolactin. Prolactin has a strong connection to sleep so its presence is probably responsible for a man’s tendency to want to sleep after sex. The release of prolactin also indicates the beginning of the “recovery time” that men have to take before having sex again. Women often don’t require any such time-out after having an orgasm.



Cuddling moves
For those new to the world of cuddling, you might need some tips to get you going. If you find yourself at a loss for what to do when you’re curled up in an embrace with your girlfriend, try one of these standard cuddling moves:

* Stroke her hair
* Kiss her forehead
* Touch her face
* Gently run your hands up and down her arms
* Intertwine your fingers with hers
* Rub her back gently
Get your cuddle on
Remember, cuddling doesn’t have to be relegated to a post-sex-only activity. In fact, she’ll probably enjoy it more if you spontaneously start a cuddle session in the middle of the day. Also, don’t forget that the point of cuddling is not to morph into foreplay on the way to sex. Cuddle for cuddling’s sake and the next time you do have sex, you’ll reap the rewards of making your girlfriend feel happy, connected and close to you.

Thank you askmen.com for your input.

Wants and Needs....Love language...

Love language, not to be confused with the language of love. Love language is how a person expresses how they feel,there is no definition no expectation. With love language each person has a way they speak it and a way a person wishes to receive it. Love language is spoken in different ways, in different relationships. Your parent will put an extra dessert in your lunch when your in grade school on a day of a test to show you that they were thinking of you. When you are in a romantic relationship love language can be telling your significant other that they look nice, or sending them a message of encouragement when you know they need it.

For myself I am the kind of person that when it comes to showing my love language I show it with the little things, comments, pet names and just doing stuff for the person that they may not know they wanted/needed to be done. I like to give that warm fuzzy feeling. I need the love language of verbal and physical affirmation. I like to know when I look good or when I have done something worthy of acknowledgment. I know that many people see gifts as a love language... I don't I see it as addition to understanding each other. (think of it as u seeing something and just knowing the other person would like it). But it can't show full love. In a romantic relationship for me I need to know what they think, that they find me attractive. I mean men are men, they will kiss a girl just to kiss them...it doesn't mean they are attracted to them or that they see anything with them. It just means a man is being a man. This of course is how I feel...not everyone feels this way. Relationships work because each person learns the love language of a person that they care about. Learn mine if you want... I'll help..you just have to ask..

You won't know things exist unless you allow yourself to be open to the possibility of stumbling upon them

PDA...What is too much?!

You know when you are in a public place and there is that couple that is just going at it. That feeling that you get, is it disgust for the actual act that is occurring or that seeded ounce of jealousy of "that lucky bitch"? I was watching this movie today and there was a scene, or quite a few that kinda made a person feel awkward. That is when I got to thinking what is considered too much PDA? I mean we have all seen it the couple that forgets they are in public and makes you feel like you are watching a really bad porn...but when does that line get crossed from "awe what a cute lovey couple" to "oh dear lord get a room". Other than that display of affection in-sighting a gag-reflux, maybe deep down you have a seed of jealously peering through that makes you want to watch in envy. Jealously can come from 2 different places, one you are single and seeing anyone get any type of affection makes you jealous, or two you are in a relationship that doesn't have any extent of PDA.
Don't ever believe a girl when she says she doesn't like PDA. I don't even think all guys hate it either.... but every women wants people to see that someone cares about her. She wants people to know there is someone out there that likes just her. PDA is a way to show that commitment or feeling. Nevertheless it is finding the happy medium between disgust and jealously that makes for intriguing conversation.
Too much VS. Happy Medium
Groping in public: Secretively grazing your hand up their thigh or lower back
Making out in public: Sweet kisses when you need to show affection
Being tangled like a pretzel: playing footsy or have your ankles tangle, same idea less awkward.
Feeling frisky: gently blow in their ear with a kiss...you both will know but no one else will ;)

Bottom line:
Tone it down, hold hands, show affection in public and take notes from how others act around you... PDA is only bad when it gets out of hand.
Happy Desires :)

....36 things that every single girl must dooooo ;)

My last relationship failed because he didn't have goals or aspirations that he was going for. I also felt that if I settled down at that ,I would be regretting almost everything about my ill experience. I had not been single for almost 6 years...I needed to learn how to be the best version of myself before I could be apart of something else. I think I have learned to be that person I want to be finally :)

To Build Your Confidence…

1. Go to a movie alone.

2. Lift weights. When I bench-press 45 lbs., I feel like the bomb.

3. Try surfing, water-skiing, or some activity you don’t already know how to do. Could be riding a bicycle.

4. Take out the trash, set a mousetrap, do your taxes, build a bookcase.

5. Live alone, or at least move apartments without the help of family.

6. Train for (and finish) a huge physical test like a half-marathon.

7. Go to a scary doctor’s appointment by yourself. I once dragged myself to a CAT Scan in the dead of winter, all the way over on 1st Ave., post-break-up. I felt like I had balls of steel.

8. Quit your job(if you don't fully love it). It feels so good to take a job and shove it (and not be affecting anyone else’s livelihood).

9. Fly to a foreign country(if not in your budget, fly to another state) by yourself.

10. Learn to stand up for yourself. (If you’re not naturally assertive, may I recommend moving to New York City? It totally helps.)


~~~~~To Be Able to Look Back and Say “I Had Fun”…

11.Go on a blind date, enlist your friends to set you up on something fun

12. Revel in being able to watch all the reality TV you want. I’m pretty sure no man will be able to stand it.

13. Get drunk during the day, just because you can. Attend some sort of convention.

14. Go on a date with someone who actually makes you nervous.

15. Go out with an older man who takes you somewhere nice and makes you feel like a million bucks.

16. Go out with a guy who makes you laugh ‘til it hurts.

~~~~~To Get Perspective…

17. Be a good wingwoman. It’s not always about you.

18. Chill with your grandma...they are smart, experienced and you will gain perspective She knows “alone”!

19. Volunteer. Be apart of something bigger than yourself. Do something good for someone else.

~~~~~~To Make You Appreciate the Next Guy…

20. Do at least one Valentine’s Day alone.

21. Attend a wedding (or 15) alone.

22. Date the creeps(ok not literally, just date the ones that you wouldn't have in the beginning. BONUS who knows who you will meet). You’ll really value the nice guys afterward.

~~~To Make You Feel Sexy and Attractive…

23. Buy yourself some flowers.

24. Invest in a LBD (little black dress) and some sexy stilettos and lingerie, wearing sexy clothes for yourself is always a little fun.

25. Sit at a bar by yourself and drink a martini. Cool.

26. Buy something frivolous and expensive that you LOVE wearing.

~~~~~To Make the Most of Your Free Time…

27. Finish all your schooling if you can. Not that it was ever my goal to go to grad school, but I might, and I don't plan on letting a man get in the way of my dreams.

28. Throw yourself into something time-consuming, like learning a foreign language(you will never know what kind of a man you will meet...). You may not have time to do this again until you retire and the kids are off to college.

~~~~To Make Yourself a Better Partner in the Future…

29. Make a list of all your faults.

30. Learn to cook well. I’m still working on this.

31. Get some hobbies. Something’s gotta keep you occupied—plus it’ll make you seem interesting.

32. Let your married friends edit your online dating profile(if that is the route you chose to check out).

33. Get your finances in order.

~~~~To Appreciate Being Single…

34. Babysit someone’s baby for an hour.

35. Help a friend through her divorce or a bad break-up.

36. Host a girls-only night. I think some coupled-up women forget how much we need each other.

What have I forgotten? What do you make sure to do while you’re still single?

...that amazing feeling that catches a person off guard...

life got me thinking...

Fairy tales, stories of boy meets girl; girl falls in love with boy..happily ever after. A child grows up with these ideas, concepts and expectations. Then girls wonder why they just don't seem to be finding that "perfect" man. Definitions of perfection of course changes for each individual and even as a person ages. I most certainly have different levels of what I found ideal in a man 5 years ago to now. Now, finding someone that I can converse with, see every day and not be sick of them, sit and just listen to them talk to other people is something that I like. I mean hearing a person talk about something they are passionate about is truly amazing. I think each level of perfection changes based on the person before. I mean I know that what I find perfect now comes from what was lacking in my last.
You know that feeling when you get a text from that person that you just love to hear from? Nothing tops that feeling. I mean there are the people you get so nervous to hang out with because it is stressful, and then there are the people you get the butterflies to see because of how you feel. There is even that moment where you don't even care if it will turn into anything because you are perfectly content just being with them and would hate to lose that at all.
It is funny, you hear all those quotes about what to find in a guy:

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”

I made my own version:

Find a guy who calls you habbibi instead of baby, who texts you just to tell you something random, who will sit with you while you want to do nothing and not complain, wait for the guy who doesn't kiss on the first date, wait for the guy who doesn't care if you look like a scrub in public, someone who makes your heart go faster and slower all at the same time, wait for the guy you can spend forever just listening to, wait for a guy who understands you, wait for guy who loves your passion as much as you love theirs, wait for a guy who intrigues you, most importantly wait for a guy who lets you be the best you can be.

Women do two things when it comes to the perfect guy. A lot of women think about these things and often just settle for something less, why do we do that to ourselves. Others have the perfect thing and don't show what they want from it for fear of rejection. It is like being stuck between a rock and hard place, you don't want to seem to clingy nor do you want the opportunity to slip by. Or a woman will get matched up with this perfect guy, but with that title comes the fact he is probably not a player there for is a shyyy guy, and that in its self can sabotage a relationship before you know it.
There is just so much more I could write about this, but I figure someone who agrees knows all I could write and someone who disagrees; you at some point in your life will agree and understand....

What type of society has it turned into?!

I open up MSN today and the articles I find are: "Best Ways to rebound from a divorce" I of course click on it not because I am a divorcee but because I would love to see what type of advice is floating out there. Atop of the sexual information that explains how to rebound gracefully. It says to smash the wedding ring in a fun way...to make it remarkable....welp I am sooo glad I read that article because if I ever come across a divorce I am going to tell them to smash their ring up because that will aid in the rebound. Seriously?!
Later in the evening, I was looking through some things and I come across an article that says "Virginity's making a comeback, report says" well who said that it was out? I mean, I think on the contrary, our society has become so much more sexually expressive. I mean trust me I AM NOT complaining by any means, but have you listened to the radio lately? I have new anthems left and right. Anthem #1 "What the Hell" by Avril Lavigne "All my life I've been good but now, woah, I'm thinking what the hell All I want is to mess around and I don't really care about
If you love me, if you hate me, you can't save me, baby, baby
All my life I've been good but now, whoa, what the hell "
Anthem #2 "S & M" by Rihanna ~"Cause I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it
Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But chains and whips excite me"

I mean that is just a few that I have fallen in love with. and with the sexually driven songs it is just one step into the world of life. What about the movies, ten years ago if we would have had a movie called "just friends" it would certainly not be about Friends with Benefits and how it was successful. I guess it is the way things have changed. Back when, a person would hear FWB it was this awful slutty javascript:void(0) thing that people who were afraid of commitment would do. Now, it is a person who just has a large appetite for sex. It is just amazing how things change and what they become, but if we are changing so much now what will happen in 10 years? Where will it go and what will it change too?

....when the straight and narrow hits a bend...

The best feeling ever is when everything seems like it is going perfect, you are smooth sailing. You are getting all that you need and wanted. What happens when it changes, it is like hitting a brick wall. You could be doing so good a work, than one day could make you feel like it is your first day all over again. With the significant others world, you could be having those awesome eye flirts, convo's or what ever tickles your fantasy and one little thing can make you feel like it is all over. First let me just tell you everyone has off days...don't take it personal. Humans are emotional creatures, it would be weird if we all were perfectly expected every moment of the day. Not to mention sooo boring. You have to admit that girl in the bathroom bawling her eyes out for only god knows why at a bar after a few to many drinks is quite entertaining. Guys can be too how about that guy that gets sooo incredibly angry over a sports play or call...yup I laugh there too :) On the flip side those who show nooo emotion are soo boring..its like looking at a blank slate that the artist forgot to play with. Remember to be the emotion you want to be, just do it with out theatrics, that only gets the first seat to the looney bin or basement.

Analyze, Predict, Re-evaluate

Well as often as those make goals, you should be able to change them to suit individual need and desire. I mean we do it all the time with everything else in life why should goals not fit into that criteria as well? I mean I change my mind almost everyday! I have the true values and morals that I keep in my day to day actions, but the fluffy stuff I am always changing. Sometimes I like my hair, sometimes I don't. Even clothes I buy one day I may HATE the next. The other day at work one of the customers had mentioned her technique to riding the old/unused clothes in the closet(since we are talking about change ;)). She would at the beginning of the month put all the hangers facing one way, when she wore them she would than turn the hanger the other way. At the end of the month which ever hanger was not flipped the other way, was tossed(for those who are conscious, if it still had tags try and return it or give it to a shelter. I have heard that you can get some pretty good money back from consignment shops. It is worth a shot right?! What was the original topic of the blog...always seems to get hazy after I have rambled for a bit.

pathetic.....

I didn't even last two days on my goal.... I think I am going to change it....a post a week.... I mean really do I have anything that amazing to say yet everyday?! Yikes! Stay tuned.

...when a personality trait becomes a pet peeve...

When things go from "oh it is just a fluke", to "oh my goodness that is annoying". When does it change for an individual. I mean I have my personal things that irritate that be-jesus out of me...but for the right person it is ignored for as long as it can be. For me I have found that I have quite a few that I put aside for awhile until it I can't. Once I can't put them aside and they keep happening, its time to cut my losses. Some of my pet peeves are, I hate when a person doesn't text back, like I am not needy or clingy(I am the opposite), but it is just common sense, a person texts you...text them back. Is it really that hard?! I mean texting is suppose to be the less intrusive way to communicate with out the pressure of face to face or voice to voice. My other pet peeve is don't say something you don't mean...if you are going to do something or be somewhere, do it or be there. People with out goals or destinations for themselves are hopeless. How can a person go daily through their lives without wanting to be something better? I mean how can a person be simply content with doing nothing?! To hang with me: text back, be where you say you will and want to do something with your life! Now shouldn't everyone have those standards?! :)



Pic of the day: Is a photo of graduation, I am using this one because it just the starting of a chapter that shows growth, goals, and determination....something everyone should have!