Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Option verses Priority...

I feel like I have written a lot about relationships lately, maybe it is because its that time of year(wedding season) or maybe it is my desire to be in a relationship( a true one, not one of those little high school ones, hence why I haven't the let first few visitors in)or maybe I have been watching tooo much GLEE. Either way I feel like relationships are always on a persons mind( to have them or not to have them. Either way you throw it you think about it avoiding it or achieving it). Whether you are in the wading pool, swimming in the deep end, or all pruned from hanging out you are never done learning about relationships and how they affect a person(s).

Time: we only get 24 hours in a day, each and every day. We don't get time added for good behavior, nor do we get any "redo's" to make the problem right. 24 hours that is it. For most these hours are spent on yourself, for yourself. So how is a person suppose to make spending some of these hours with another person successful? I think that I am a bit overboard so I get a bit frustrated. I think of the little ways to spend time together, because for me when I want to spend time with someone its because I care about them and even being around them, so anything is sufficient. I think that thinking comes from being in relationships because that is how it works, if you are not in the relationship mind set you don't think of the "easy" time to spend together. For me I think of well I need to shop, I wonder if they need to shop. Or I need to a nap, I wonder if they do. orrr oooohhh its nice out lets both go do something. I have a free time, I wonder if it is during their lunch break...kinda stuff. But to someone who hasn't been in a relationship that matters, those thoughts don't really cross their minds. I think the hardest part is trying to show someone that you would settle for any amount of time at anytime with out coming off as needy or clingy.

I have found myself in a position like this recently and it sucks, for me I am a "relationship" girl I think of those little times that would be easy to hang out with each other and what not, but he isn't(he made it very clear when we became friends he is a FWB's or a "loose" relationships fault for getting stir crazy with "that" kind of guy). He doesn't think the same way I do about time and I am not the kinda of girl to change a guy... I like them to notice what they are missing and/or what they strive to be. ( I don't believe in changing a person, but helping them realize their potential) But I am crazy about this guy(again my fault, I knew what kinda of type he was, I think it was wishful thinking) despite the super mixed symbols, I honestly just think the impact of not being a "relationship" guy and his busy life at the moment really has limited his time, not the suspect idea of "ohhh he is trying to tell you gently" or "make yourself unattainable"(that doesn't work for me, I don't play games nor do I want to not be with him...sooo that is a lose lose) But who knows. I like to think its going in a desirable direction but I don't really care because for the most part(up until recently) I have been a relatively happy camper. I think a lot of it could be my own fault mixed with his inability to understand. I know this sounds soooo ridiculous for myself to complain about time when not in a "relationship" but dang it I like having him around, he makes me smile, he gives me that happy confidence butterflies that a person wants, and I am genuinely attracted to him...sooo why would I not want to spend time with him..It just sucks when it is not reciprocated in action or even in words of endearment.

Till next time....

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