Sunday, April 3, 2011

The DL on cuddling.....

When you cuddle someone be sure to do it with your heart/feelings because doing so it may raise the intimacy between the persons.

On the very long list of things men don’t understand about women is the fact that women always want to cuddle. In fact, AM received this message from a befuddled reader who wanted to know exactly what it is about cuddling that women find so important:

"What is it with this cuddling business? All my girlfriend wants to do is cuddle. I don't understand the whole concept about cuddling. I think an article that explains why women think that cuddling is so important would be great."

This seems to be a common attitude among men who can’t wrap their brains around what their women see as the necessity of cuddling.
Why women cuddle
The act of cuddling releases a hormone called oxytocin, sometimes called the "cuddling hormone.” Oxytocin is responsible for provoking what scientists refer to as “pair bonding,” which means it makes the cuddling couple feel closer and more intimate. This helps to create a bond between a man and a woman. In evolutionary terms, a woman wants to create this pair bond in order to get the man to commit to her and their offspring. Even if your woman isn’t trying to marry you and start bearing your babies, she is likely still drawn to create an emotional bond with you and this kind of physical intimacy is a good way to do it.

Cuddling also feels pretty damn good when it’s done right, so another reason women insist on it is that the sensations triggered by a cuddle session can be very pleasurable.
Why men don’t cuddle
It can be exceptionally frustrating that your first instinct post-orgasm is to go right to sleep, while she prefers to get in a good cuddle session first. The reason for this is all about the hormones your brain releases after sex. As a man has an orgasm, a variety of brain chemicals are released including the hormone prolactin. Prolactin has a strong connection to sleep so its presence is probably responsible for a man’s tendency to want to sleep after sex. The release of prolactin also indicates the beginning of the “recovery time” that men have to take before having sex again. Women often don’t require any such time-out after having an orgasm.

Cuddling moves
For those new to the world of cuddling, you might need some tips to get you going. If you find yourself at a loss for what to do when you’re curled up in an embrace with your girlfriend, try one of these standard cuddling moves:

* Stroke her hair
* Kiss her forehead
* Touch her face
* Gently run your hands up and down her arms
* Intertwine your fingers with hers
* Rub her back gently
Get your cuddle on
Remember, cuddling doesn’t have to be relegated to a post-sex-only activity. In fact, she’ll probably enjoy it more if you spontaneously start a cuddle session in the middle of the day. Also, don’t forget that the point of cuddling is not to morph into foreplay on the way to sex. Cuddle for cuddling’s sake and the next time you do have sex, you’ll reap the rewards of making your girlfriend feel happy, connected and close to you.

Thank you for your input.


  1. Nadina, You sure know about relationship. Are you a writer or are you doing it as just a hobby?

  2. Thank you! It is my hobby. I always wanted to try my hand at advice column writing...this is my hand at it

  3. The Easterner could use your advice for the students. So are you taking your talent to the next level like O Magazine or what...? Keep It Up!

  4. Thank you! I am waiting to become noticed lol...I think it would be so cool to be found by someone wanting me to write for them. I tried the easterner while I was was not amazing... Thanks for reading :)


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