Tuesday, August 31, 2010

ughhhh I wish it was easy to just say what I want and what I feel.

“I try to talk to you, but I don't know what to say. I am afraid you don't want me to say anything. So I don't. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out.And tell you how I feel-like how I miss you. And how I need you in my life. And especially how much I want you.But those words may forever stay in my heart-locked inside.Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too... but I'll never know.”

That quote sums up my life right now! The concept of saying what is on my mind is often weighed by the ability to be rejected. I wish I could say you know I really like you and wish for things to progress. But just even typing that makes me feel awkward. The worst part of this is guys don't get that subtle hints. Like lingering before you part ways, or sometimes brushing past each other, or the simple act of flirting. If I was "that" kinda girl to where I would initiate I am sure life would be simple but I like to be sought after, I will do a certain amount of seeking but all in all I want to be sought! It drives me crazy because I see potential with certain people but I know if someone doesn't see the greatness in me than they aren't worth it, but what if they just aren't looking right now to see it. Also, what about those guys who you are just attracted to that are your opposite, like I am outgoing and he isn't but we can actually have a conversation, and honestly they are usually the best ones. What about that line of friends and more. How do you break that line? I mean a great relationship comes from being friends. I have great things happen in my life and I want to tell this person right away, but how do I know they are going to want to hear it, and share in the awesomeness. I mean friends do enjoy that but someone who is truly vested in you enjoys it more. Then there are those guys who had their hearts broken, they are like damaged goods that you wish you could fix but you know that they will not fix until they want to be fixed.
Bottom line, I like you, I like that you are the first person I want to share something with , being with makes time fly, when I am looking at you all I can think about is how much I want you to lean in to kiss me, I even sometimes contemplate doing it my self but than I just can't, I want you to want me too... I just wish you could see that I care about you a lot.

Why is it so easy to put that into words indirectly, heaven forbid I say that to a person until I know how they feel.... ohhhhh tonight reminded me how I felt, if only I could actually tell them.