Thursday, June 2, 2011

Summer, attractive

Hello MSN, Thank you for informing us of how to have the best summer ever without wasting our time... Wam bam thank you
Easier said than done, we know. But we tapped Steven Ward, the former host of VH1's Tough Love and CEO of to give blunt, no-holds-barred, man-hunting advice that works. Here, seven tips from Ward for finding a summer fling. The first four will help you get in front of new guys — and the last three will ensure that you reel one in.

1. Go Outside
It sounds obvious, but that's where the men are: outdoor bars, beaches, golf courses, boardwalks, rooftops, pools, volleyball courts, whatever. So stop worrying about your hair turning frizztastic and get yourself outdoors. Guys flock outside in the summer to enjoy the sun, but also to check out women wearing skimpy clothes, admits Ward. Which brings us to our next point ...

2. Dress Summer-Sexy
"Wear as little as possible that's still socially acceptable and dignified," Ward says. Okay, that sounds a bit extreme, but basically: If you're going to flaunt it, now's the time — but don't be skanky. So if you're at the pool, you better be wearing a sexy bikini ... but not a G-string. At a BBQ? A short, flirty summer dress is great, but super-short — and — low-cut screams desperate. Men expect to see some skin during the summer, so show it off a little if you want their attention.

3. Ditch the Entourage
If you're stuck in the same social circle — which means you've probably already met many of the available male friends-of-friends — then grab a girlfriend and head to another town for some man-hunting, Ward suggests. Make sure your friend is willing to play wingwoman if need be, and try hitting up a lake or park where a lot of people will be hanging out. Another good thing about separating yourself from the pack? You're less likely to wind up dating a guy who one of your friends has already, uh, flung-around with. "That just turns into one big mess," Ward says.

4. Work the Room Brilliantly
If you've got your eye on more than one guy at a summer shindig, then try not to be touchy-feely with any one person. If you do, you may hurt your chances of hitting it off with another potential guy. Men will think you're insincere — or desperate! — if you're ferociously flirting with every guy you get in front of. "You either have to pick just one guy or you have to be very aware of your surroundings," Ward says. "You can't make it obvious to sidelined prospects that you're interested in other guys."

5. Stop Babbling
If you've just started chatting up a guy, the last thing he wants to hear about is where you bought your dress or why your best friend is mad at you. You're sipping a couple of sweating beers during summer — not braiding each other's hair at a sleepover. "Women tend to talk about things that men don't really care about," Ward says. Ouch! "Instead, talk about the new summer movies, what's on TV, the funniest thing you've done this summer, any good travel plans ... stuff like that." Oh, okay, that's easy enough. P.S. Do not dig or pry! The guy needs to feel like you're casually getting to know him, not that you're sizing him up for a relationship. (Ahem, even if you totally are.)

6. Make Him Ask You Out
When you first meet a guy you're interested in, you have to be more direct than usual. After all, the summer is only about three months long and who has time for playing the game of wait-to-see-if-someone-makes-a-move? So if you're talking to a potential catch and want to make sure he doesn't get away, Ward suggests putting yourself out there in a cheeky way. "Smile and say something like, 'This conversation is going really well. I can't wait for you to take me to dinner!' If you're lighthearted in your delivery, the guy will appreciate your honesty." If he doesn't take the bait, then be glad you didn't waste half your summer trying to hook him.

7. Show Face
Another tip to fan the spark with a brand-new guy: Socialize with him in person ... not digitally. "Don't text, don't e-mail, and don't even call that much," Ward advises. "Get in front of each other. The more face time you have with someone, the more emotional currency you both have in the budding relationship." Bonus: By weaning yourself off all the texting, tweeting, and Facebooking, you let the guy have the opportunity to actually miss you. "If you keep giving him your attention or are always available online, he's never going to crave you," says Ward. "You have to give him the chance to miss you."

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Say Hello to Goodbye.....

Call me sappy, call me emotional, call me whatever the french you want to call me. But when you care about someone(no matter the degree) and they leave it is a bit sad... I think the saddest part is know that before they leave you are wondering what to say, how to react, because you are unclear of how things are suppose to be. I mean OBVIOUSLY I am talking about a person of opposite gender(I mean seriously..) And if there is no clear line in the sand and you do not want to assume things for fear of being let down, there is literally NOTHING a person can do but ride the wave of the storm you have been dealt.
I swear there are so many things a person can think whilst in this situation. I mean so you have this guy who puts out normally, ohhh a bit of effort into hanging out/seeing eachother. Than RIGHT before they are about to leave they actually start making the time for you, you wished would have occured before. These types of people are the people who could be afraid of a few things: 1) Commitment, they can put all this effort before they leave and know internally that it is temporary and hopefully you will forget it by the time they come back. 2) Losing you, Its like leaving with a good impression. These are the last few things you will be remembering whilst they are away, isn't it great that they are the few times they made the time and put the effort..cheeky right?!
Overall it kinda just sucks, to add to the suckage, not knowing when you will see them again, talk to them etc... This is fine for a person you are use to seeing or talking to once in a blue moon....but when you literally almost see the person every day and defintely talk to them EVERYDAY. It will take some getting use to the change. Not like I am a needy person and NEED this, buttttt it is a nice thing to have.
Than to top this all off you wonder where they stand in all of this, so whilst you are trying to rid yourself of a pattern that has been created for the past 5 months you have added thoughts on if they are thinking that much about(which if they are a man, its highly unlikely, because, well they are MEN, but sometimes you get the broken mold type.)
THEN to top the things off you have SO much to wonder about when there is no line in the sand. Like I knew they were leaving, and had ALL these questions but TOTALLY chickened out on asking them because I was afraid of the answers. Like I would LOVE to know where I stand, or more or less where he stands, but I don't REALLY want the answer, unless its something I want ;). I am not one to pressure things out of a person, although my last relationship we decided we(I told him we were) were "dating" because we figured, we spent all of our time talking, hanging out, and we liked each others company. I dated that guy for like 6 years. So maybe I should pressure....nawhhh..... I think a man needs to come to his own conclusions and than act on them. I don't like to press, but at the same time I don't like waiting. Even though I am CRAZY for a guy, if they don't reciprocate in some form to let me know that I am not wasting my time...I will painfully move on. I am not saying it will happen easily or right away but ultimately a person can only express interest for so long with out being verbally affirmed, because lets be honest physically cues are IMPOSSIBLE to correctly figure out. Basically on this, maybe this is why the shy guys get left behind, because they can't commit or they can't express interest.

Rules of not the movie...21st century spin thank you!

"Here’s the biggest problem that you will EVER have with men: Most women don’t know how to bring out the best in men, some of the things you do when you are trying to get a guy to like you actually turn him off. You lose him.and before you actually figure out what you did to turn him off, he’s actually already moved on to the next woman." relationship black book
[Editor's note: Maura Kelly writes the relationships blog A Year of Living Flirtatiously, for This is an excerpt from that blog.]

In Emerson's rousing long essay, Self-Reliance — a call to intellectual independence and rigor — he says, "In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts: They come back to us with a certain alienated majesty."

One of the points Emerson is trying to make is this: The literature and art that we most appreciate is that which most accurately or powerfully reflects some basic human truths. It's not that the truths themselves are necessarily "deep." A genius is a genius not because his feelings or experiences are so unusual, or even so outstandingly powerful, but rather because he is able to recognize them as universal and meaningful, and to announce them, rather than pushing them aside as shameful or weird or too obvious — or allowing them to get drowned out by the flood of distractions and noise that often is life.

This is all a very long way of introducing a list of the five basic things you should know about a person before you kiss them that I recently came across in an email that was forwarded to me. It was written by life coach Laurie Gerber, and her tips are so simple and obvious and exactly right that they're borderline genius. Because our daily lives have gotten so complicated — our dating lives, in particular — I think these are exactly the kinds of tips we need to hear. Or, at least, I do.

Laurie says: "You cannot kiss anyone until you have first established they are worth your time."

How do you do that? Easy. Simply be sure that you know that:

1. They are looking for a serious relationship.
(But if you're not either ... well, then, you don't have to be worried about who you are kissing. Kiss whomever the heck you want.)

You should also feel interested in a serious relationship with the person in question. Which means you should know that:

2. You are impressed with what they are doing with their life.

3. You respect them.

4. You sense that they are comfortable with themselves.

5. You really want to kiss them.

Simple, right? But also kinda brilliant.

Now, maybe you're saying, "Eh, Maura, it's just a kiss — what's the big deal?" Well, I suppose the biggest thing is that having simple standards like these is one way to help boost your self-esteem. If you're kissing every Tom, Dick and Harry who crosses your path — and often getting rejected by them — that might not feel so good. Simply knowing that a person has to meet certain qualifications before getting to the next level with you will leave you feeling empowered. Like you have standards. Because you do!

In fact, I'd go as far as to say you should know all of these five things before you go on a second date.