Sunday, March 27, 2011

Wants and Needs....Love language...

Love language, not to be confused with the language of love. Love language is how a person expresses how they feel,there is no definition no expectation. With love language each person has a way they speak it and a way a person wishes to receive it. Love language is spoken in different ways, in different relationships. Your parent will put an extra dessert in your lunch when your in grade school on a day of a test to show you that they were thinking of you. When you are in a romantic relationship love language can be telling your significant other that they look nice, or sending them a message of encouragement when you know they need it.

For myself I am the kind of person that when it comes to showing my love language I show it with the little things, comments, pet names and just doing stuff for the person that they may not know they wanted/needed to be done. I like to give that warm fuzzy feeling. I need the love language of verbal and physical affirmation. I like to know when I look good or when I have done something worthy of acknowledgment. I know that many people see gifts as a love language... I don't I see it as addition to understanding each other. (think of it as u seeing something and just knowing the other person would like it). But it can't show full love. In a romantic relationship for me I need to know what they think, that they find me attractive. I mean men are men, they will kiss a girl just to kiss doesn't mean they are attracted to them or that they see anything with them. It just means a man is being a man. This of course is how I feel...not everyone feels this way. Relationships work because each person learns the love language of a person that they care about. Learn mine if you want... I'll just have to ask..

You won't know things exist unless you allow yourself to be open to the possibility of stumbling upon them

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

PDA...What is too much?!

You know when you are in a public place and there is that couple that is just going at it. That feeling that you get, is it disgust for the actual act that is occurring or that seeded ounce of jealousy of "that lucky bitch"? I was watching this movie today and there was a scene, or quite a few that kinda made a person feel awkward. That is when I got to thinking what is considered too much PDA? I mean we have all seen it the couple that forgets they are in public and makes you feel like you are watching a really bad porn...but when does that line get crossed from "awe what a cute lovey couple" to "oh dear lord get a room". Other than that display of affection in-sighting a gag-reflux, maybe deep down you have a seed of jealously peering through that makes you want to watch in envy. Jealously can come from 2 different places, one you are single and seeing anyone get any type of affection makes you jealous, or two you are in a relationship that doesn't have any extent of PDA.
Don't ever believe a girl when she says she doesn't like PDA. I don't even think all guys hate it either.... but every women wants people to see that someone cares about her. She wants people to know there is someone out there that likes just her. PDA is a way to show that commitment or feeling. Nevertheless it is finding the happy medium between disgust and jealously that makes for intriguing conversation.
Too much VS. Happy Medium
Groping in public: Secretively grazing your hand up their thigh or lower back
Making out in public: Sweet kisses when you need to show affection
Being tangled like a pretzel: playing footsy or have your ankles tangle, same idea less awkward.
Feeling frisky: gently blow in their ear with a both will know but no one else will ;)

Bottom line:
Tone it down, hold hands, show affection in public and take notes from how others act around you... PDA is only bad when it gets out of hand.
Happy Desires :)

Thursday, March 10, 2011

....36 things that every single girl must dooooo ;)

My last relationship failed because he didn't have goals or aspirations that he was going for. I also felt that if I settled down at that ,I would be regretting almost everything about my ill experience. I had not been single for almost 6 years...I needed to learn how to be the best version of myself before I could be apart of something else. I think I have learned to be that person I want to be finally :)

To Build Your Confidence…

1. Go to a movie alone.

2. Lift weights. When I bench-press 45 lbs., I feel like the bomb.

3. Try surfing, water-skiing, or some activity you don’t already know how to do. Could be riding a bicycle.

4. Take out the trash, set a mousetrap, do your taxes, build a bookcase.

5. Live alone, or at least move apartments without the help of family.

6. Train for (and finish) a huge physical test like a half-marathon.

7. Go to a scary doctor’s appointment by yourself. I once dragged myself to a CAT Scan in the dead of winter, all the way over on 1st Ave., post-break-up. I felt like I had balls of steel.

8. Quit your job(if you don't fully love it). It feels so good to take a job and shove it (and not be affecting anyone else’s livelihood).

9. Fly to a foreign country(if not in your budget, fly to another state) by yourself.

10. Learn to stand up for yourself. (If you’re not naturally assertive, may I recommend moving to New York City? It totally helps.)

~~~~~To Be Able to Look Back and Say “I Had Fun”…

11.Go on a blind date, enlist your friends to set you up on something fun

12. Revel in being able to watch all the reality TV you want. I’m pretty sure no man will be able to stand it.

13. Get drunk during the day, just because you can. Attend some sort of convention.

14. Go on a date with someone who actually makes you nervous.

15. Go out with an older man who takes you somewhere nice and makes you feel like a million bucks.

16. Go out with a guy who makes you laugh ‘til it hurts.

~~~~~To Get Perspective…

17. Be a good wingwoman. It’s not always about you.

18. Chill with your grandma...they are smart, experienced and you will gain perspective She knows “alone”!

19. Volunteer. Be apart of something bigger than yourself. Do something good for someone else.

~~~~~~To Make You Appreciate the Next Guy…

20. Do at least one Valentine’s Day alone.

21. Attend a wedding (or 15) alone.

22. Date the creeps(ok not literally, just date the ones that you wouldn't have in the beginning. BONUS who knows who you will meet). You’ll really value the nice guys afterward.

~~~To Make You Feel Sexy and Attractive…

23. Buy yourself some flowers.

24. Invest in a LBD (little black dress) and some sexy stilettos and lingerie, wearing sexy clothes for yourself is always a little fun.

25. Sit at a bar by yourself and drink a martini. Cool.

26. Buy something frivolous and expensive that you LOVE wearing.

~~~~~To Make the Most of Your Free Time…

27. Finish all your schooling if you can. Not that it was ever my goal to go to grad school, but I might, and I don't plan on letting a man get in the way of my dreams.

28. Throw yourself into something time-consuming, like learning a foreign language(you will never know what kind of a man you will meet...). You may not have time to do this again until you retire and the kids are off to college.

~~~~To Make Yourself a Better Partner in the Future…

29. Make a list of all your faults.

30. Learn to cook well. I’m still working on this.

31. Get some hobbies. Something’s gotta keep you occupied—plus it’ll make you seem interesting.

32. Let your married friends edit your online dating profile(if that is the route you chose to check out).

33. Get your finances in order.

~~~~To Appreciate Being Single…

34. Babysit someone’s baby for an hour.

35. Help a friend through her divorce or a bad break-up.

36. Host a girls-only night. I think some coupled-up women forget how much we need each other.

What have I forgotten? What do you make sure to do while you’re still single?

Sunday, March 6, 2011

...that amazing feeling that catches a person off guard...

life got me thinking...

Fairy tales, stories of boy meets girl; girl falls in love with boy..happily ever after. A child grows up with these ideas, concepts and expectations. Then girls wonder why they just don't seem to be finding that "perfect" man. Definitions of perfection of course changes for each individual and even as a person ages. I most certainly have different levels of what I found ideal in a man 5 years ago to now. Now, finding someone that I can converse with, see every day and not be sick of them, sit and just listen to them talk to other people is something that I like. I mean hearing a person talk about something they are passionate about is truly amazing. I think each level of perfection changes based on the person before. I mean I know that what I find perfect now comes from what was lacking in my last.
You know that feeling when you get a text from that person that you just love to hear from? Nothing tops that feeling. I mean there are the people you get so nervous to hang out with because it is stressful, and then there are the people you get the butterflies to see because of how you feel. There is even that moment where you don't even care if it will turn into anything because you are perfectly content just being with them and would hate to lose that at all.
It is funny, you hear all those quotes about what to find in a guy:
“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”

I made my own version:
Find a guy who calls you habbibi instead of baby, who texts you just to tell you something random, who will sit with you while you want to do nothing and not complain, wait for the guy who doesn't kiss on the first date, wait for the guy who doesn't care if you look like a scrub in public, someone who makes your heart go faster and slower all at the same time, wait for the guy you can spend forever just listening to, wait for a guy who understands you, wait for guy who loves your passion as much as you love theirs, wait for a guy who intrigues you, most importantly wait for a guy who lets you be the best you can be.
Women do two things when it comes to the perfect guy. A lot of women think about these things and often just settle for something less, why do we do that to ourselves. Others have the perfect thing and don't show what they want from it for fear of rejection. It is like being stuck between a rock and hard place, you don't want to seem to clingy nor do you want the opportunity to slip by. Or a woman will get matched up with this perfect guy, but with that title comes the fact he is probably not a player there for is a shyyy guy, and that in its self can sabotage a relationship before you know it.
There is just so much more I could write about this, but I figure someone who agrees knows all I could write and someone who disagrees; you at some point in your life will agree and understand....

Thursday, March 3, 2011

What type of society has it turned into?!

I open up MSN today and the articles I find are: "Best Ways to rebound from a divorce" I of course click on it not because I am a divorcee but because I would love to see what type of advice is floating out there. Atop of the sexual information that explains how to rebound gracefully. It says to smash the wedding ring in a fun make it remarkable....welp I am sooo glad I read that article because if I ever come across a divorce I am going to tell them to smash their ring up because that will aid in the rebound. Seriously?!
Later in the evening, I was looking through some things and I come across an article that says "Virginity's making a comeback, report says" well who said that it was out? I mean, I think on the contrary, our society has become so much more sexually expressive. I mean trust me I AM NOT complaining by any means, but have you listened to the radio lately? I have new anthems left and right. Anthem #1 "What the Hell" by Avril Lavigne "All my life I've been good but now, woah, I'm thinking what the hell All I want is to mess around and I don't really care about
If you love me, if you hate me, you can't save me, baby, baby
All my life I've been good but now, whoa, what the hell "

Anthem #2 "S & M" by Rihanna ~"Cause I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it
Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But chains and whips excite me"

I mean that is just a few that I have fallen in love with. and with the sexually driven songs it is just one step into the world of life. What about the movies, ten years ago if we would have had a movie called "just friends" it would certainly not be about Friends with Benefits and how it was successful. I guess it is the way things have changed. Back when, a person would hear FWB it was this awful slutty javascript:void(0) thing that people who were afraid of commitment would do. Now, it is a person who just has a large appetite for sex. It is just amazing how things change and what they become, but if we are changing so much now what will happen in 10 years? Where will it go and what will it change too?