Saturday, May 28, 2011

...Talked into....well you...

I was reading an article today about some couple not telling anyone what the gender of their newborn was going to be, their hope is to let the child make "its" own decisions. They got this idea of reading an article in the library(I will not even go into the fact the article had to make a point that they read this article in the library...Who does that anymore?!). I mean I have always believed that we as human beings are talked into our roles. I even wrote a paper on it in college. So I am a bit mixed on what to think about this idea. I think it is not humane to do to a child for the interest of "trying it out" who knows what kind of damage could be done on this poor child. But on the other hand, how amazing would it be to watch someone morph into something that isn't pre-destined. I mean for most we are given our roles right at birth not only by gender but by birth order. So from day one you are not able to be who you want to be. But with out those pre-design restriction who would you want to become, or who would you become in general?
All in all it seems like a fascinating idea but could NEVER be done respectfully here, because it would mess a person up wayyyy to much!

Monday, May 23, 2011

"That is just the gentleman I am" Says the guy holding a rose..

I was watching the show "Happy Endings" and there was a scene where the gay guy was going on a date, and the guy supposedly was standing him up, but he really didn't he just was waiting outside. His response was "that is what kind of the gentlemen I am". Well of course it got me thinking, what is a gentlemen? What does a women define a gentleman as, I mean I don't even assume in the least bit that every women would beable to agree on one definition, doesn't mean we can't narrow something down.

Webster Dictionary says:
a : a man of noble or gentle birth b : a man belonging to the landed gentry c (1) : a man who combines gentle birth or rank with chivalrous qualities (2) : a man whose conduct conforms to a high standard of propriety or correct behavior d (1) : a man of independent means who does not engage in any occupation or profession for gain (2) : a man who does not engage in a menial occupation or in manual labor for gain
: valet —often used in the phrase gentleman's gentleman
: a man of any social class or condition —often used in a courteous reference or usually in the plural in address
How to Act Like a Gentleman

True gentlemen seem to be a dying breed in this modern age. By “gentlemen,” I mean men who hold doors open, conduct themselves with dignity, and generally act like civilized individuals.

But that doesn’t have to be the case. If you want to gain the respect of others and the admiration of women, this guide on how to be a gentleman will help. Following these simple steps will boost your self-esteem and make the world around you a better place.
Pay Attention To Your Appearance

Get haircuts on a regular basis, and always dress in an understated manner. You can wear jeans and a T-shirt and still be a gentleman; just make sure that they’re not torn and wrinkled. A dress shirt can help immensely, and the dress shirt and jeans look can be quite attractive. A Josbank dress shirt, for example, screams “gentleman”! If you choose to wear a suit, make sure it fits. There are plenty of places to buy big and tall mens clothing online for affordable prices. Carry a pocket comb and keep your hair presentable at all times.
Be Polite

Hold the door open for people behind you, and always give up your seat on a crowded bus or subway to a woman or elderly person. If you see someone struggling to carry their groceries, offer to help. Simple acts of kindness are part of what defines a gentleman.

Always say “please” and “thank you.” A little common courtesy never hurt anyone.
Respect Your Woman

A gentleman will never abuse his girlfriend (physically or emotionally). He should also shower her with attention and bring her unexpected gifts from time to time. These gifts need not be expensive; a rose and a kiss will do just fine.

You should also be respectful when carrying on a conversation with your girlfriend. Try to talk about subjects which interest her, and never talk about how attractive other women are.

During moments of passion, allow the woman to set the pace. A gentleman never takes things too far or pressures his girlfriend about sex.
Don’t Backstab

A gentleman respects himself, but he also respects those around him. Don’t insult your friends when they’re not around. This is a classless act which gentlemen avoid. If you think so little of them, then why do you bother calling them your friends?

Also avoid laughing at someone to their face, especially when they find themselves in an embarrassing situation. You wouldn’t like to be treated is this manner, so take that into consideration.
Be Discreet

As the old saying goes, “A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell.” Avoid telling friends the details of your sexual encounters, as this disrespects the woman involved.

If you discover someone’s deep, dark secret, practice discretion and keep your mouth shut. This is the true test of a gentleman.
Avoid Cursing

Cursing makes you appear crude. A gentleman should avoid cursing at all times. Work to elevate your vocabulary, not lower it.
Remove Your Hat

When going indoors, always remove you hat. You should also take off your hat anytime you’re at the dinner table.
Avoid Religion And Politics

When having a conversation, avoid these two topics like the plague. Discussions involving religion and politics usually upset people, and a gentleman’s goal is never to be an unpleasant conversationalist.
Avoid Drugs And Alcohol

To be a true gentleman, you need to be in control at all times. Drugs and alcohol impair you judgment, so refrain from using them.

Welp I don't agree with avoiding alcohol, just know how to handle yourself. The whole politics and religion, talk about it but don't get overly exaggerated in the feelings. Love the swearing, at least at first....I mean than you can feel it out. LOVE the be polite section...that always makes my heart melt.
But honestly to be a gentlemen now a days you don't need to wear a fedora and talk all eloquent, you don't even have to pay for everything(although that is what seems to be some peoples definition, it does help clear a blurry line sometimes).

I think a gentlemen is someone who remembers your favorite things, or stories that you tell. Someone who knows you...knows what you drink when you go to the bar, knows that you don't like heights and warns you to not look when going up a hill. Someone who holds the door open but knows that if you get to the door first they shouldn't walk through until you do. A gentlemen picks the seats and than lets you chose what side to sit on. A gentlemen apologizes every time he has to take a phone call or text whilst you are out (just the two of you is the only time it warrants) even when they tell you not to. A gentlemen will know that you want to hear from him because when you don't you kind of worry(atleast when you are that level). There are soooo many other things I can think of but just rambling now wouldn't get me too far....your turn?!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Option verses Priority...

I feel like I have written a lot about relationships lately, maybe it is because its that time of year(wedding season) or maybe it is my desire to be in a relationship( a true one, not one of those little high school ones, hence why I haven't the let first few visitors in)or maybe I have been watching tooo much GLEE. Either way I feel like relationships are always on a persons mind( to have them or not to have them. Either way you throw it you think about it avoiding it or achieving it). Whether you are in the wading pool, swimming in the deep end, or all pruned from hanging out you are never done learning about relationships and how they affect a person(s).

Time: we only get 24 hours in a day, each and every day. We don't get time added for good behavior, nor do we get any "redo's" to make the problem right. 24 hours that is it. For most these hours are spent on yourself, for yourself. So how is a person suppose to make spending some of these hours with another person successful? I think that I am a bit overboard so I get a bit frustrated. I think of the little ways to spend time together, because for me when I want to spend time with someone its because I care about them and even being around them, so anything is sufficient. I think that thinking comes from being in relationships because that is how it works, if you are not in the relationship mind set you don't think of the "easy" time to spend together. For me I think of well I need to shop, I wonder if they need to shop. Or I need to a nap, I wonder if they do. orrr oooohhh its nice out lets both go do something. I have a free time, I wonder if it is during their lunch break...kinda stuff. But to someone who hasn't been in a relationship that matters, those thoughts don't really cross their minds. I think the hardest part is trying to show someone that you would settle for any amount of time at anytime with out coming off as needy or clingy.

I have found myself in a position like this recently and it sucks, for me I am a "relationship" girl I think of those little times that would be easy to hang out with each other and what not, but he isn't(he made it very clear when we became friends he is a FWB's or a "loose" relationships fault for getting stir crazy with "that" kind of guy). He doesn't think the same way I do about time and I am not the kinda of girl to change a guy... I like them to notice what they are missing and/or what they strive to be. ( I don't believe in changing a person, but helping them realize their potential) But I am crazy about this guy(again my fault, I knew what kinda of type he was, I think it was wishful thinking) despite the super mixed symbols, I honestly just think the impact of not being a "relationship" guy and his busy life at the moment really has limited his time, not the suspect idea of "ohhh he is trying to tell you gently" or "make yourself unattainable"(that doesn't work for me, I don't play games nor do I want to not be with him...sooo that is a lose lose) But who knows. I like to think its going in a desirable direction but I don't really care because for the most part(up until recently) I have been a relatively happy camper. I think a lot of it could be my own fault mixed with his inability to understand. I know this sounds soooo ridiculous for myself to complain about time when not in a "relationship" but dang it I like having him around, he makes me smile, he gives me that happy confidence butterflies that a person wants, and I am genuinely attracted to him...sooo why would I not want to spend time with him..It just sucks when it is not reciprocated in action or even in words of endearment.

Till next time....

Monday, May 9, 2011

Independent Woman in the dating world.....Who comes out on top?

I am screwed. That is what most independent women find themselves saying because they have found someone that questions how independent they really are. Like for me I am screwed, because I know that I am independent but I find myself putting myself out there, making myself vulnerable in my eyes. Like for me I am constantly inviting a specific person into my world, into my activities and what not...thus putting me as the needy person that I never wanted to be. I mean it may not actually put me as it but makes me feel this way because I am the one always reaching out. I know that inside of myself it is because I seriously want to spend time with him, not like I HAVE too but I sincerely WANT too. I think it is like a slap in a face because I feel as if I am putting myself out there too much. It could be the breed that I am seeking, but it does suck when things are not often reciprocated or at least not equally reciprocated. Maybe I could become that girl that plays "those" games of becoming unattainable, or showing that I am a hot commodity. But Games are not my thing. I find myself to be like an open book. I know that if I like a guy, that guy has to know by my actions are never hidden. So therefore I can't play games because they just would be stupid and fake, both of which I am not. It is to much to ask that effort and emotion be reciprocated, even if it is in your own language. For me all I am asking is be the "man" I knowww so cliche but seriously, take control of the situation! I know for me I am soo head over heels for a guy who likes to be a passenger rather than the driver in life and it doesn't bother me per say...but it is soo draining and so many opportunities get missed. Leading to things that are just completely disappointing there for draining and leaving me with the taste of a needy individual in my mouth because of the effort I put into things.
If you find yourself in this situation seriously. you have to figure out if it is worth it, and if you have find yourself in a situation where it is actually worth it, than you just have to let them know whats up. Because most the time the people who don't take the initial initiative, they aren't going to be able to read between your lines. Basically you have to just saying what you are thinking...something I wish I really honestly could do(this is one of those I can give the advice but have a hard time following it moments) Because if I had the guts I would tell the guy "I havent found something I wanted to spend all this time with, but honestly I need to know where your head is at" .....Nowwwww the reason I dont have the guts is because of the answer that follows that question. So for now I figure I am happy why mess it up. Maybe you should too ....