Monday, October 10, 2011


Numb to the pain, Numb to the emotion, Numb to thought. My life is a country song, My grandma passed away, put my oldest dog down and my sweetheart has moved to another country to go to school. It is amazing what a heart can endure before it just shuts off, I feel as if my heart and emotions have just stopped. I remember the huge emotion that I had/have in regards to my grandmother. I guess everything after losing her seems "easy". I haven't really posted or spoke or even went into to much emotion about her, at least outside of my head.
My grandmother was seriously the most amazing women ever, she was not only a grandmother to me, but to everyone who she met. She kept me up to date on the latest gossip and tabloids. She was the best listener, she was always someone I could go to. It was like a little sanctuary within a crazy day. She was supportive, loving and funny. There are many things in my life that I wouldn't have been able to do with out her. My most amazing life experience I owe to her, my sorority. I wouldn't have been able to do such a great thing with out her. I looked to her for strength in dealing with hard thing. With all the things my grandmother had been through in her life, she was just the most gracious blessing in the world. I consider myself so lucky to have had her in my life. My grandmother use to tell me a story about her true love, and how she let him get away. That story inspires me to learn from her lesson. I will fight for the people I love and not let challenges stop me but let me learn and grow. Funny thing about this story, when my cousins were back in her town where this man was, some how he got the number and called and told my cousins that he loved Rita, always has, even 50 years later. I never wanted to be like that. Thank you grandma for helping me not pass up on the love of my life because it is harder.

I always told myself I couldn't see myself with a person that didn't understand either the great relationship a person can have with a grandparent, or even they had not met my grandma. My significant other was able to meet her while she was still well and was with me during some of the hardest hours in her passing. I can not even find words to begin to describe how grateful I felt to have him there and available to be my shoulder to cry on, my ear to listen to me. I have a special amazing bond with my grandmother and for a moment he was able to see it, he held her hand and kissed her forehead. What man can do that?! My amazing man can, I wish I could write more about how amazing he was and has been during this, but there are no words to even begin to start to say how appreciative I am.

You were on my mind all day today, not like that's anything new. I speak your name daily, and my heart continues to ache for you. grandma know, I'll never be done loving you. You may be in a better place now, but in my heart You'll always remain. I miss you more then anyone could understand.

On to Mollie, my puppy of 10 years.... best friend a girl could ask for, she was well behaved, and always greeted you with a smile. she could turn any bad day to a great one just my putting her cold nose in your hand. I loved you, but how to explain a care for a pet is so hard.

and the man of my dreams going away (for a time period) that is a developing story...stay tuned :) All I know....He is the forever for sure!